Merry Christmas

Today has been an emotional day. I woke up feeling okay and watched my older daughter open her gifts. She was excited to see that there were a few things under the tree she had asked Santa for. Seeing the smile on her face was well worth the money spent. I ordered a special blanket from a friend for her to help her with coping with our loss. Before going to bed, she said that the butterflies reminded her of Dakota. Then, she hugged it. Nothing speaks volumes like her face when she opened it. I just love this picture.

After she was done opening her gifts, I went down hill. My husband fell asleep and my daughter was engrossed in her new toys, which left me alone and my mind to go crazy with the thoughts of Dakota.

I sat for the better half of the morning and early afternoon, crying. I didn't want to do anything or be around anyone. I tried to call several people, but of course they were busy with their own craziness, they couldn't talk.

I ended up back in bed and slept the early afternoon away. Once I was up from my nap, we visited Dakota and added more to her grave. Then we joined my family for some festivities.

So, I was planning on writing out our day... but perhaps I'll just show you....

We were surrounded by family. The support we received during Christmas was amazing and I am so happy to have been blessed with such a great support system. Once I was able to pull myself together and get to visit my family, my mood changed and I was able to enjoy myself.

A Trip to See Santa

One of the things Emma has been asking for was to see Santa. She had a full list of toys she needed to tell him that she wanted. I had an idea for our Christmas pictures this year. It's hard to think of having to go a day without our dear Dakota, but we included her within our pictures as well.

The line at the mall to see Santa was crazy. As soon as we got into the mall, Emma and I jumped into line, while Greg went to check something out at one of the stores right by us. I was watching everyone around me and saw how innocent they all were. Each one of them were blessed with their children and laughed with them.

As I was watching the kids going up to Santa, I saw a mother with a huge smile place her beautifully dressed newborn upon his lap. This is when I broke. I wasn't prepared to see any little ones because it instantly reminded me of not having Dakota.

I broke into tears not caring who saw me. As I tried to look away, I noticed people staring and kids asking what was wrong. Emma decided to fill them in and then the looks of confusion turned into looks of compassion and sympathy. Greg returned and helped me gather myself back up.

A young couple standing behind us with their baby boy in his car seat and their little girl began talking with us. I couldn't help but to look at their son. Then, I asked how old he was without even thinking. They told me he was born in June and he was six months old. He's only a month younger than Dakota.

I mentioned this and they looked confused. Greg told them our daughter was stillborn. I was blown away by the fact that neither of them knew what that meant. So, Greg said she was born forever sleeping. Once again... they were confused. So, Greg had no other way to explain it except to say that our darling daughter had passed before birth.

That is when they got it and understood why a grown woman was standing in line holding a pure white teddy bear. The teddy bear stood in for Dakota. Once we were up to Santa, he tried to get Emma to leave the bear out of the photo. With as much willpower as I had, I told him No the teddy bear stays. That's when Greg jumped in and told them why we needed that bear in the photo.

Instantly, those standing around us came to help me because I burst into tears again. One mother helped position the teddy bear just right on Santa's lap. While the photographer cried with me. It was a bittersweet moment because just then, I realized that they cared. They didn't know me but showed their support in this heartbreaking time for me.

I will forever be grateful to the mother who stood in front of us and to the photographer for showing me it's okay to cry!!!

Let Me Pray for YOU

The holidays are quickly approaching. You've probably already noticed stores putting out decorations and even playing holiday music. You probably see some of your friends who have put up their Christmas trees and are excited about the upcoming holidays. You may have noticed many people talking about holiday shopping. Social media and news outlets are jumping at the chance to share crafts for the upcoming holidays or deals that are quickly coming.

The excitement is already beginning.... for them.

As for me, it's not so much the same. I am not looking forward to the holidays. This year is quite different than normal. I am missing one that I love. I am grieving for one that I didn't get the chance to meet. I have a feeling that this is my new normal. I will always wish our Dakota was here to share these holidays and be part of our memories.

I know that I am not the only one who will be having a hard time coping with the holidays. 

Perhaps you're that person I am referring to. Or maybe it's a close family member. Maybe it's a dear friend of yours. 

Maybe the loss is because of cancer.

Perhaps it is because of stillbirth or miscarriage.

Or it could be from the loss of a job. 

The holiday season is hard and very emotional for many. 

No matter what your situation is....

CAN I PRAY FOR YOU?

If you would like me to pray for you, please leave a comment below with as little or as much as you would like about your situation. 

Then, tonight pick one person off of the list and pray for them too.

Just imagine what this world would be like if we all started to pray for each other? Wouldn't be amazing to see God's work everywhere this holiday season? 

I'll be sitting down at night in my quiet bedroom while I pray for each and every one of you who post below. God Bless and I pray that each person who doesn't comment will find it in their hearts to pray for someone who did comment. 

I Caught Santa......

While visiting my Mom for the holidays, my fiance and I created an awesome picture (which I won in a giveaway).... Lil Miss was thrilled.... take a look at who he caught in our house (wink wink)....

Created at:  www.icaughtsanta.com

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays

I just want to wish everyone Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. Hope you have a happy and safe holiday.  See you afterward.

Holiday Surprise

The other day, I had written a blog on my plans changing and it really bummed me out. Come to find out... it all wasn't true. I was led to believe it was but in fact, it was all part of a surprise. I am now blogging from the comfort of my Mom's living room. Therefore, my daughter and I won't be alone for Christmas.

Currently, we are making pillows, cookies, and making memories. My jolly spirit is back and I'm sooo excited for Christmas.

What are you excited for this year?

Just Doesn't Feel Like Christmas

I'm sure everyone has had one of these years. Well, this year is mine. For the past week, I've been racking my brain on how I was doing Christmas this year. Hubby works which will leave my daughter and I at home with no car. Therefore, no way to travel and see family. I thought it'd be nice to do our Christmas early and travel to my Mom's for the next few days. Therefore, Little Miss and I would wake up to family and be around others for Christmas.

This sounded like a great plan. Though I hadn't thought of all the stress it would cause. I planned it where we would have our Christmas tonight and my Mom would pick us up on Thursday to go to her house until Sunday. Then, Monday we (hubby including) would go to my Dad's for Christmas Part 3.

That all changed. After we let our daughter open her gifts, I found out it's too much running for me to go to my Moms and plans were changed. Now, not only are we going to be home without a way to see our family. So, my jolly attitude for this year is over. It doesn't feel like Christmas anymore. Due to the plans changing, our Christmas is now over... so I wanted to share the pictures of Little Miss and her favorite gifts....

Our Tree and Little Misses Gifts

Waiting for Mommy to say it was okay to open

Lala Loopsy Doll she just loves.

Little Miss and her Buzz light year

Once I edit the photos, I'll have more later... But until then, here's a video of my daughter saying what she's thankful for.... (a tradition we do before we open our gifts)

Christmas Lights 2011---- MUST WATCH

This is amazing. Thank you to all the troops for doing their thing. I appreciate you ALL no matter what branch.

Video From Santa to Your Child

I found a pretty awesome website that allows you to create a video in a few short steps to send to your child from Santa. I created one and my daughter loved it. Check out her video: Emma's Video From Santa

You can make one too. Here!!!

New Beginnings this Christmas Season

I've noticed that there are several bloggers (including myself) that are doing the Christmas traditions a little different this year. If some of you bloggers out there are looking for something creative to do... I just might have the idea for you. I believe that there are too many children out there that really think Christmas is about the presents, money, and Santa. They expect the expensive gifts and aren't happy with anything less. (I personally know kids this way.) I refuse to let my child think this way. That is why we are changing things up a bit.

On Christmas Eve, the family will come together in the kitchen and bake cake. This cake can/will be decorated in any way my Princess wants. We're adding sprinkles and candles this year. On the top, it will read, "Happy Birthday Jesus." I'm hoping this will help my daughter see that Christmas is for Jesus. Not for the gifts.

On Christmas Day, she will open three gifts. Yep, that's it. Three. We aren't going all out this year. I feel our daughter was becoming all about the presents. I don't want that. Jesus had three gifts brought to him from the three wise men and that's going to be good enough for my child. Afterward, we will visit our family and have dinner. The entire family will gather around the cake we baked the night before and sing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus. This way all children in our family will see the reason for Christmas.

If you like this idea, use it. I'd love to hear your Christmas ideas for this year. Thanks for reading.