3rd Birthday in Heaven

Happy 3rd Birthday, Dakota.

I cannot believe that it's been three years since I saw her precious face for the first and last time. It's been three years since I held her perfect body. It's been three years since I felt her soft skin. It's been three years since I kissed her perfect little head. 

Oh God, do I miss her!!!

I know that we will be together again soon, my daughter.

I pray that you're enjoying the beautiful melody of God's choir and the heavenly hugs mixed with kisses. 

Fly high, Baby Girl

Mommy, Daddy, Sissy, and Baby boy will be with you soon.

We love you very much!

Love,

Mom

Rising up from Grief to Hope: A Tribute to Dakota

Today marks one year since I last saw my beautiful daughter, Dakota. So much has happened within the past year where at times I have no idea how to process it. So, this post is a tribute to my daughter Dakota. Here are the things we did in the past year to keep her memory alive and show our love for her. 

This photo is of the gathering we had directly after her funeral. The wonderful church family we have gave a memorial dinner and we did a balloon release directly after. This was the beginning of the new for us. I never thought something as simple as watching a balloon float into the sky could raise such emotion in me. But it reminds me of how quickly Dakota left and how silent her passing was. 

Our oldest daughter watched each balloon until they were out of sight, while I cried and my husband held me. This moment in time reminded me just how important family really is. That's when I made the promise to our daughter Dakota that I will NEVER let her go. Her memory will always remain alive as long as I am alive. 

Each holiday that passed, we decorated her grave site with different items to show we were thinking of her. The firsts are the worst but we made it through. The heartache was unbearable at times. I couldn't have imagined that when I turned 26, I'd be mourning the death of my child.

We dedicated a small part of our living room to her, which over

time became half of the living room. So many wonderful people wanted to help us remember our precious daughter. I can't express how much this meant to me and still does. Every time I share a thought or a part of my grieve with those who have followed our journey, they always leave words of encouragement. But most of all, it showed me that I'm/we aren't alone.

Another way I remembered Dakota was in a book dedicated to her and her story. I wanted people to know who she was and what had happened to her. So, through the pain and tears I wrote her story. As a tribute to her I made sure it was published on October 15, 2013, which is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. My hopes for her book is that everyone out there reads it and learns. But most of all I pray her story helps others who are going through the same thing and they can find hope like I did. My faith remained strong and I straightened up my life so I can be with her again.

I pushed through my grief and my hope was restored. Dakota taught me a lot over the past year and I am so grateful God chose me to be her mother. The 40 weeks 5 days I had with her will always stay with me. 

So in closing, Dakota is not only my daughter, but my inspiration. She's inspired me to go with the flow, trust in God, and enjoy life. For this is all she did. Not one time did she ever feel anything but love. How amazing that type of life would be!

Happy 1st Birthday in Heaven

Today is my daughter's first birthday in Heaven. The emotions that have been going through me are explainable. I feel like I'm suffocating at times but I am thankful that my Mom and sister have come to spend the day with me. 

I woke this morning around 5 AM (eastern time) not being able to sleep. To my surprise, I walked into the kitchen and my oldest daughter was sitting at the table. She was having a hard time sleeping too. I gave her a snack and something to drink. Then she headed back to bed.

As 5:45 AM rolled around, the tears were rolling. This was the time when I was preparing to deliver my daughter. 

Small images flashed through my mind of this horrible day. I couldn't help but picture what had happened in that moment. The emotions became too overwhelming and I had to wake up my husband. He and I sat on our porch while the sun came up and the stars disappeared. We hugged each other while the pain coursed through us. 

This past Saturday, May 24th my family and I surrounded her grave with love and celebrated. Here are some of the pictures. 

 The day couldn't have turned out any more perfect. The weather was warm but not too hot. No rain and we even got to enjoy a Memorial Day Parade in our town. 

In closing I wanted to do a HUGE shout out to my angel and wish her a 

Happy Birthday in Heaven!!!

Please Don't Cry by Rae-Beth McGee-Buda

Please Don't Cry

Written by Rae-Beth McGee-Buda

(c) All Rights Reserved*

Please Mommy don't cry.

We don't have to say good-bye.

I know it broke your heart,

but we really aren't apart.

I'm safely tucked in angels wings

as they gently sooth my dreams.

Dear Daddy, please don't cry.

The angels sing me lullabies

that gently tuck me in at night,

which makes me feel safe from fright.

Dear Sister, please don't cry.

As you sit and wonder why.

We will be together again someday

and we'll be able to laugh and play. 

Dear Baby Brother, please don't cry.

for I am always near by.

We will be together soon,

for I will always love you.

In memory of Dakota Emily Buda. 

5-27-13

Happy 1st Birthday in Heaven!

*The following poem is for your enjoyment only and is protected by copyright laws. Do NOT use the poem as your own. If you wish to share, please use the sharing options below this post. 

Thank you. 

Light of Love Candle Memorial

If you would like to join in with celebrating 

Dakota's 1st Birthday in Heaven.... 

There's a to do it....

.... Join in with the Balloon Release from your backyard.

Then light a candle and let it burn on May 27th for her

 during the hour of 6 PM to 7 PM (eastern time). She was

 born at 6:17 AM,

 however I we said our goodbyes between 6 & 7 in the

 evening of the 27th.

This event will run from the day Rae-Beth was due with

 Dakota to the day she was born. (May 22 to May 27)

**When doing the balloon release, please take a picture of

your balloon and post it within the event.**

Happy 6th Month Angelversary

I never thought I would have to plan part of our Holiday at a cemetery. I feel horrible because today is Dakota's 6 month angelversary and tomorrow is Thanksgiving. My husband has planned a trip to his Mom's for this holiday. It hurts so bad to think that here in a few hours, I'll be packing up the car and leaving for the next few days.

My husband decided to have a small celebration with Dakota for Thanksgiving before we leave. We will add new decorations to her grave and then play her song, while we release the balloon he got for her.

Oh, how I wish I was packing a diaper bag, instead of packing these decorations into a shopping back to take to the cemetery! At moments like this, I often find myself asking why? I feel like I am leaving her behind and like I'll be forgetting about her. I have prayed many times within the past few weeks for the strength to get through this.

One we go to the cemetery to release the balloon, we will be heading off to LeHighton! I'm not thrilled about it and I can't help it. No matter what I try to do to cheer myself up... It doesn't happen.

*****

Later on...

We stopped by and decorated Dakota's grave. A few of my family members have assured me that they'll be stopping by tomorrow for Thanksgiving. My Mom even said she has something to add in to our decorations. My heart is heavy now. I cried the hardest today while standing beside Dakota's grave in a long time. I played the same song that was played during the funeral. As I watched the balloon go higher into the sky, the harder I cried. I just wanted to drop to my knees and stay with her. I never want to leave her. I want her back!

Happy 3 Month Angelversary

My Lil Butterfly, Dakota, 

Happy 3 month Angelversary Dakota. I miss you. Hope you are enjoying heaven and give Jesus a kiss for me. I love you baby girl.

I can't believe it's been three months since we found out you gained your wings. There's not a day that goes by where I don't think about you. 

Sissy took her locket to school today with your picture and even had one taped inside of her lunch box so you could go to school too. She was super excited to have you with her. 

Daddy misses you like crazy too. He tries not to show it but I can see it. His heart is broken but he's trying to be strong for mommy and sissy. So do me the favor and give him an extra hug today. He needs it.

I hope you have a great day up there in heaven and just know that we are always thinking about you. We love and miss you very much. 

Love,
Mommy