Favorite Verses of the Bible

Today, I'm going to share with you the verses within the Bible that spoke to me and that I live by on a daily basis. Each verse has a special meaning for me. God wants us to study His word, learn it, and live by it. I hope this inspires you to create a verse list for yourself and push you to live by each one daily. 

- 1 Peter 4: 8 "Above all, love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins." 

This verse tells me that regardless of a person's lifestyle, beliefs, or sins, we are to love them.

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- 1 Peter 5: 7 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

I have a major problem with allowing my anxiety to control my life. This is one of the most difficult verses for me to give into because I have way too much self-control. Through prayer and with God's help, I will overcome this anxiety, and be free by casting away the anxiety from me and giving it to God.

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- Ephesians 2:8 "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God." 

This verse speaks to me on so many levels and makes me emotional. God is so good. He is so good where he extended His grace to me and I am saved. He gave His life for me, a sinner. I am a sinner saved by Grace and it means so much to me.

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- Philippians 4:13 "I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

Without this verse, I wouldn't have been able to make it through the death of my unborn daughter. I remember this verse showing up everywhere the weekend before I lost her. That Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, the Lord showed me repeatedly that I needed Him to endure what was to come. He was the first one I turned to when my heart shattered. No one but He fixed my broken heart.

What are some of your favorite Bible verses? Why?

Capture Your Grief - Day 17 - Secondary Losses

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I totally agree with today's post when the host mentions that not only do we lose our children, but in the midst of our grief, we tend to lose other things as well. I have noticed quite a bit of stuff that I've lost over the past two years. 

To start off with, I lost all sense of security in life. It's hard to describe. We tend to stroll through life thinking that bad things won't happen to us. I lost all of who I was and became someone new. I no longer took life for granted and I became much more grateful for the life I have been given. I tend to love deeper. I don't sweat the small stuff and, I most certainly don't let what I can't control bother me.

I struggle with fear and anxiety more since my loss, which I am working on with my Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ. 

There for a while, I lost my desire to take care of myself and I didn't care about what those around me thought. I didn't love myself, so why should anyone else? This way of thinking changed the day I fully started living for Christ. 

I lost friends who I cared for.

I lost a husband. Yes, we're still married but I'm no longer married to the man I fell in love with. He has changed, as I have. He doesn't seem to care as deeply as he once did. His life's focus is work and his car. His family strives for his attention, however, he doesn't hear them. His actions cause us pain, and he doesn't seem to mind. The loving, joyful, and caring man I met is gone and was replaced with this guy who buries himself into a hobby so he doesn't have to deal with life.

I lost my joy for a while, but I have found it in other places within life. 

Even though I have lost so much, I have gained better as well. (That's for another post.)

Capture Your Grief - Day 16 - Creative Grief

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There are several things I did for Dakota after I lost her. As I have mentioned before, I wrote about her short, sweet life here on earth and shared it for the world to read. I started a garden, which I had to leave behind when I moved from the house we were living in at the time. I took up taking photo's of nature. 

Here are some of the nature photo's I have taken since she passed away:

Capture Your Grief - Day 15 - Wave of Light.

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I found out about the meaning behind October 15th shortly after we lost our angel. On October 15th, the world stops for the day and remembers their babies who have been taken too soon. October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness Month and on the 15th of the month, we light a candle at 7 PM and let it burn for an hour in memory of these babies. 

For the past two years, I have joined in with the Wave of Light to honor my daughter, Dakota. The images below are her candles burning. It brings my heart joy when I see friends and family join me on this special day!! (Thank you to those who have joined in.)

Wave of Light 2013

Wave of Light 2014

Capture Your Grief - Day 14 - Express Your Heart

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Express your heart with grieving. The powerfully painful transformation can turn you into a person of gratitude or into a person of negativity. I was both. Now, I'm the person of gratitude. During my journey with grief, I have experienced so many things that blessed me or angered me. That's what I'll be talking about today.

Words hurt. Actions hurt. Unfortunately, people don't realize this. Let me talk about the words part of this. From the moment we wake to the time we go to bed, we express ourselves with our words. There are phrases that we (angel parents) dread to hear directly after a loss. We don't want to hear that there was anything remotely wrong with our child. We don't want to hear that God has a plan and this is part of it. We don't want to hear that everything happens for a reason. To us, these are empty words. There's nothing in this world that can help us feel better. My best advice is just to pray for us. Tell us you're praying for us. Instead of using your words to comfort us and show you care, use your actions! Actions could be... cleaning up our house. Helping with our other children who are hurting too. Cook for us. I'm using the word "us" because when a baby dies... so many people are touched by this loss and only one person remains in the light of it all.... Mothers. People comfort and support mothers every way you look at it. But some do not remember the fathers, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. 

Now for that word... action... When helping a family through a loss such as stillbirth, which is what I have experience with... REMEMBER THE DAD'S AND SIBLINGS. They are grieving too. Bring a gift to them as well. This could be in the form of a physical gift, being there to physically help these members of the family, or just to let them use you when they need you.

In addition, actions that you're doing can directly hurt these grieving families. I see this today, as well as within the past few years. People who claim to love me as their own blood family, forget and refuse to acknowledge my daughter. I see these people talk about how much they love me or my living children. They claim me as a sister or a granddaughter but fail to realize that if they do not accept the child of mine who died.... they're not accepting me. I will not take this easy. If you're going to claim to be family to me and refuse to acknowledge the life that I carried for 40 weeks 5 days, then you're not going to acknowledge me or my children in anything. FAMILY sticks together in all the hard times life seems to throw at you. You can't pick or choose which rough times you can be my family. So, if you refuse to say that Dakota is part of your family... then kindly back away from my living children and me. We are not family.

I've accepted her death, it's about time for you to do so as well!!!

Capture Your Grief - Day 13 - Regrets + Triggers

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Regrets during my journey of grief:

1. I regret not being able to bathe and dress my angel. (I never got to do this.)

2. I regret not laying a baby blanket in her forever bed with her.

3. I regret allowing others to tell me how I should be grieving and listening to them.

4. I regret not being more grateful and more excited for her during my pregnancy.

5. I regret not holding on to her longer when I had the opportunity.

6. I regret that I didn't fight harder for her when I knew something was wrong and her doctor wouldn't listen to me.

7. I regret not making sure more photo's were taken of us. (Yes we had pictures done but I have one photo of me and my angel and it's blurry.)

8. I regret the fact that I wasn't the mother my oldest daughter needed while she was grieving too.

9. I regret not keeping up with the letters to my angel in her notebook and vow to start writing to her again.

10. I regret not knowing her exact weight, length, or more details of her that I'm slowly losing over time.

Triggers:

1. Baby girl clothes in the store.

2. Seeing her name written somewhere.

3. Certain ways my rainbow baby looks while he sleeps.

4. Fall to winter because I can't see butterflies on a daily basis.

5. When someone doesn't acknowledge that she existed when listing their nieces or grandkids on a card or social media. 

Capture Your Grief - Day 12 - Normalizing Grief

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The writing prompt for today is on normalizing grief. Some believe that this journey is nothing but heartache and pain. I wrote a post earlier this year that I believe ties into this post. You can view it here: Grief Can Be a Gift...Honest..

In addition to the post, my thoughts for today are this:

Grief is what you make of it. At first, it's hard. Actually, it's very hard. When I started my journey, I felt defeated and powerless. It took me close to two years to realize that I was allowing the grief to

control my life and that's when I decided to take control. I wasn't going to submit to it any longer. Yes, my daughter was here. Yes, my daughter died. However, I didn't have to stay in the state of loss and feeling sadness over it. Instead, I pulled myself together and started honoring her life in more than one way.

The first thing I decided to do was bring to light that she existed so I needed to tell the world. I managed to do this by writing our journey in a book and publishing it on Amazon for the world to read. I figured by doing this, I'm bringing awareness to Pregnancy and Infant Loss, as well as bringing her story, our journey to those who are going through it too. I figured that I could help them by sharing our journey. 

The next thing I decided to do was always honor my angel with different things throughout the year. Each holiday/season, I redecorate her forever bed for her to show my love. By doing this, I'm allowing myself to acknowledge life the way it is and to express the love for her that I can't physically show her.

Each holiday I include her in some way. Most of the time, I light her candle or I sing songs that remind me of her. At times, I even have my family and friends join in.

This is my normalizing grief for me and it works for me.

If you're on this journey with me, what is it that you do to normalize grief in your life?

Capture Your Grief - Day 10 - W O R D S

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I wrote this a while ago and it still rings true for me. I did some editing to the original post to make it more fitting for me today. 

You can see the original post here.

I am STRONG because at 19 years old, I gave birth to my first daughter, Emma. She cried but one time and stared into my eyes while I held her. 

I am STRONG because I gave up college for that moment in time for the life I was meant to have.

I am STRONG because, at 23 years of age, my daughter was diagnosed with an eating disorder and Pica.

I am STRONG because at 25 years old, I became pregnant with my second daughter, Dakota. She was born May 27, 2013, and didn't make a sound. 

 

I am STRONG because on June 1, 2013, I buried my child, and I had never thought I would bury a child, but that my child would bury me.

I am STRONG because we didn't get to bring Dakota home. At 40 weeks 5 days, my daughter's heart stopped beating for an unknown reason.  

I am STRONG because I turned to God in my painful time and managed to continue with my life.

I am STRONG because even after our loss, we managed to try to conceive again.

I am STRONG because I have faith in God and he blessed us with our Rainbow baby.

I am STRONG because although you see me as parent with two children, I’m actually a mother of 3.

I am STRONG because parenting after a loss is tough and I AM making it!

I am STRONG because I am a SURVIVOR!!!

Capture Your Grief - Day 7 - Memory.

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The one memory that has haunted me for the past two years and still hurts to this day is when I had to tell my oldest that her baby sister gained her wings. I dreaded her arrival at the hospital. She was expecting a baby sister, but she got an angel sister instead. The look in her face when realization set in tears up my heart. I wish to this day that I could have carried her heartache and I wish she didn't have to feel the loss at such a young age. 

My oldest, Sunshine, dreamed of the things she wanted to teach her baby sister. I listened to her plans and hopes. I saw her smile and her joy over sharing her bedroom with her baby sister. She excitedly helped me put the baby clothes in the dresser after they were washed. I watched her as she helped me split the room she had to herself for three years by herself to make room for her baby sister.

I also watched as joy and happiness had been stolen from her face when she realized we weren't taking a baby home from the hospital. The way she joyfully ran into that hospital room asking for her baby sister turned to fear and heartache. 

My heart aches as I remember her asking me, "Mommy, why is all of my siblings taken away from me?" or "Why did God allow this to happen to MY sister. I wanted her." She cried to me as I held her.

These are the memories I'm trying to let go of, but they seem to bury themselves deep into my soul. To this day, I pray for my daughter and her healing. I believe the loss of her sister has caused her to hate the world around her and it shows in her attitude. :(

Grief Can Be a Gift...Honest..

After the kids are in bed, I sit comfortably in my overly fluffy recliner when I get my chance to relax from the long day. As I sit here, I am surrounded by different memorial items that remind me of my precious daughter, Dakota. Images of her lifeless body beautifully positioned line my walls. Angel figurines line my shelves. A butterfly wind chime hangs from the floor lamp that's surrounded with a rainbow scarf. All of these bring me to tears when I actually sit and look at them. The corner shelf that sits behind me holds the plaster molds of the only thing that makes me feel close to her...her hands and feet. I pick them up, gently hold them and caress them while wishing it was really her that I was touching. Oh, to feel her skin against mine again. My heart breaks many times over during a single day for my daughter who was taken too soon from me. At times when I am in a slump and overloaded with grief, I'll grab my phone, put my ear buds in, and play the songs I have saved under a playlist just for her. There in that comfy chair, I cry for the daughter I only have spiritually. 

Day after day, for the past year and eight months, I've mourned the loss of my daughter. I sit and wonder when will this pain end? When will I be over the grieving and the pain of her absence? 

I've lost loved ones before. However, it's completely different losing your daughter compared to an Uncle or Grandparent. Grief lingers on for years after the loss of a child. I'm well aware of this because I know other angel parents who have been on this path for sixteen or more years. Guess what, they still feel the same way they did on the day they learned of their loss. 

In society, it seems as if one is expected to feel grief and mourn for several months after the loss. After a few months, it seems as if grieving for longer periods of time is unacceptable. It's like by then the person should be over it by then. Beyond the few month mark, a lot of people go back to life the way they lived it before the loss and assume those closest to the passed, has moved on too. 

I am here to tell you that way of thinking couldn't be more wrong. The loss of a child leaves a void in your life and in your heart for years to come. I believe it'll remain there until you're reunited with the child you never had the chance to know. 

Now that a year has passed and we're slowly making our way to the two-year mark, grieving for me has went from doing it openly to doing it in the privacy of my own home. (Normally in the shower because for some reason it's embarrassing to cry for my daughter.) There are only a select few that I choose to discuss my pain and grief with now. A year ago, I was shouting it to anyone that would listen. 

Is it okay to admit that I still feel the same way today as I did on the day I found out she didn't have her precious heartbeat?

I've been praying for the Lord to ease this pain and to make the grief manageable. I ask him to make it manageable and not take it fully away because I believe with the grief, I have been brought closer to him. I believe the grief that has been given to me is....a gift. 

The shattered heart, endless tears, the endless yanking at the strings of your heart, and the screams of overwhelming pain would be something that would make anyone want to run away from. It'd make anyone want to turn away and run in the opposite direction. But if we're willing, if we are open to accepting this gift from the Lord, this gift of grief, we will discover the blessings which are hidden within the creases of grief. 

When we (human beings) were created, we were created to live in the beautiful Garden of Eden without the feelings of loss let alone any grief. We weren't designed to experience the hardship we face today. Grief tends to focus on the eternal values in life by making us remember the lessons were taught in the moments of the loss of our child. It helps us see exactly what matters and want doesn't. It tends to help us value our time here on earth and guides us to use every second with purpose. Before the experience of grief, God and Heaven seem to be in the back of our minds, buried beneath a to-do list, as well as our hopes and dreams list. Grief pushes God and Heaven to the front of our minds and we tend to focus more on Him once we have experienced loss. Loss reminds us that in our time, we will be united with our loved ones in Heaven one day. Thus, giving us hope. 

To experience grief like I have, to the extent that I have has taught me a valuable lesson and made me think of things that had never crossed my mind before. I find myself dreaming of the day I get to pass from this life into the waiting arms of Jesus Christ. I find myself dreaming of what a day that will be. I imagine how the warmth of the sun will warm me as I experience true happiness for the first time. Once again, grief is a gift.

Death tends to remind us of our time here on earth and it reminds us that life isn't promised. Tomorrow isn't promised. Therefore, in our midst of grief we long to live a full life that's pleasing to our Lord and Savior. It makes us take a look at our priorities we have for ourselves and adjust them accordingly. It motivates us to be more disciplined in Christ and live a life full of faith. Grief's gift is a reality check. 

The loss of my child took me to the end of my strength which made me rely fully on God's strength to get by. I can't stop grieving for my daughter. I feel powerless against the overwhelming feelings that I have. It's only through God's strength that I have made it this far. It's His strength that helps me face a new day and with that all the new challenges that I come across. 

I have found grief as a gift through relationships. When we experience a deep loss, like the one I did, we tend to feel needier than what we once were. Therefore, not only do we find strong relationships with those who the Lord placed in our lives, but we also build a stronger relationship with Him. Grief leads us to pray more, thus building the relationship that matters the most. My relationship with Christ. Prayer always brings us closer to Christ. It inspires us to communicate with Him, because He's the ONLY one who can comfort us the way we need. The voids we feel are filled only by Him. Although the Lord won't remove those voids from our lives, he will fill them and embrace us with his love, strength, and compassion. Grief helps us to value our loved ones who are still here with us more. It shows us that they are meant to be here with you to give you a physical sense of being and comfort. It helps us to value these people because the grief made it easy to see their value in our life. Aren't we supposed to look at others as the Lord would? Grief helps us to do that. It gives us a glimpse into how we are supposed to live life ALL THE TIME, not just in the time of hardships. 

By viewing grief as a gift, we open ourselves for the Lord and for the blessings He has in store for us!

I truly can't wait to experience the blessing of Life with the grief I will carry on until I am resting in the arms of my Savior. 

Bringing Home Our Rainbow Baby: After Loss

Pregnancy is a time of happiness and joy. For many, it's full of fear and worry. When a couple brings home their new baby after losing one, life changes again. The fear and worry don't go away once baby comes into the world screaming and full of life. The fear and worry just shift to other things in focus. Many questions I have asked was: Will he die too? Is he still breathing? Oh no, what if he dies of SIDS?

As a mother of loss and a rainbow, here are a few things that I want my family and friends to know:

1. I'm more confused now more than ever. At times I may think I'm holding my angel when I'm really holding my rainbow. It's confusing because I'm holding my rainbow baby while missing another baby. Certain facial expressions that my rainbow makes has me doing flashbacks in my mind of my angel. Believe me, it sounds crazy but I'm not crazy. So, when I try to express my feelings to you, just listen. I know my baby is dead and isn't coming back. I understand that my rainbow is a completely different baby. It's hard enough on me without the judgement of others.

2. I'm still grieving.  Some may think this way and it's wrong. However, just because I have this brand new bundle of joy in my arms, doesn't mean that I don't miss my angel. I hate how people describe grieving as a process. Just as I have read before, a process is something that has an end. When grieving the child you lost, there will NEVER be an end. Some may think that just because I have a living and breathing child in my arms, all should be better. Nope, actually this takes me back to number one and adds to the confusion. The questions I once asked when I first lost my angel come back once again. Why is my rainbow here with me and my angel couldn't be? What would life be like if my angel was here with my rainbow? These are just a few examples.

3. My heart longs for my angel and at times I want her. Don't get me wrong. I love my rainbow baby with my all being. It's not that I don't want him. Believe me I went through hell to have him here. There was A LOT of tears, fear, and pain to get where I am today. I worked with every ounce of who I am to ensure that on my end, my rainbow came into this world alive. I just wish with ever fiber of my soul that my angel was still here with us.

4. Fear and anxiety is still here but it's stronger. I'm really scared. Actually, this is my normal. For the past year this has been my life. Starting in October of 2013, I was scared that I wouldn't get pregnant. The anxiety took over with each pregnancy test. Then once I saw the test come back with a positive, the fear and anxiety shifted. I worried during the entire nine months and thought only about, "What if it happened again?" When I was about nine months pregnant, the fear and anxiety rocketed sky high. I learned that I had polyhydramnios. I was put on bed rest because this made me at a higher risk for preterm labor and once again the chances of another stillborn went up. I had two appointments each week from that point on. Labor came and I was induced. Fear and anxiety was at it's max and pushing itself to the limits. Up until the moment I heard his first cry, this was all that I felt.

Now that he's here.... that doesn't mean it went away. I worry about him ALL THE TIME. As I stated in the start of this post, I don't believe this will fully go away.

5. I have a hard time with others holding my rainbow or trusting them with him. The moment I'm asked, "Oh, can I hold him?" Or when someone reaches out and takes him from my arms, panic sets in. I'm super scared that something could happen which would result in his untimely death. There are so many sicknesses and diseases being talked about within the news, I'm worried that he'd catch it since he's only had two rounds of his immunization shots. Plus, he's still little and his immune system is still developing.

MOST OF ALL, I still need you. Please don't go. All may seem well. The heartaches is still there now more than it ever was. Don't drift away from me. I'm really not okay. 

Still in Disbelief- Disrespect as it's MAX

One thing that I have been boiling over and can't seem to let go is when a man allows his best friend to openly disrespect his wife! Yep, you read that right. I am that woman who was recently disrespected by my husbands best friend. Every marriage will have it's ups and downs! I feel that if a man loves his wife, he'd do everything to protect her. He would NEVER allow someone to do this. 

My husband and I were having a typical argument within our marriage. Things were said that we didn't mean. It even came close to one of us leaving. However, this didn't concern my husbands best friend. 

On the 9th of November, I was getting my son ready for church when I got these messages from my husbands best friend:

Let me explain what is being talked about: This friend (which I'm going to name Donkey) needed a ride to pick up his car in another state about an hour away. My husband did not tell me that he agreed to help until just a few minutes before Donkey showed up. I had made plans with Sunshine for the day where she'd be able to spend it with her Daddy. Needless to say, that didn't happen. Not only that but Hubby left here and forgot some VERY important things that I needed for the kids. Of course this didn't leave me happy.

Now, as for the kids. Up to this point, I felt as if my Husband didn't want our marriage any longer. However, this wasn't anyone's concern, except for ours. We have had fights before and my emergency plan is to go to my Mothers. Of course I would take my children with me because their father couldn't have them with the way he works. He works too much to give them the proper attention. Where this is Donkey's business??? Beats me! 

Needless to say I followed his advice and removed any and ALL contact I had with him. Not only was he supposed to be my husbands friend, he was supposed to be mine as well. Here I am thinking I am being a friend to him when I am keeping a secret of his. She's pregnant after a miscarriage, so I didn't want to add any more stress to her. 

When I addressed this situation with Hubby, he told me that Donkey was allowed to have his own opinion. He said that this was okay. WHAT!!! How in the world is it okay for him to talk to me like that? I'm writing this post because it hurts me. To this day, Hubby still talks to Donkey like nothing happened, all the while I'm still hurting over what was said.

1. I am a very loving and caring person. Example: I opened my home to Donkey on multiple occasions when he had no where else to go.

2. Sorry, Sir but it seems as if you have a thing for drama. If you truly knew me, you'd know that I am the type of person who avoids it at all costs. I have my own drama in my life... I don't need you adding to it. 

3. If you are going to tell me what my God thinks of me... perhaps you should get it right! Go read the Bible and then come talk to me. My God is a very forgiving God and doesn't hold a grudge. He knows that his people will have attacks on their marriages from Satan. However, since we turned to the Lord once again, we are doing just fine.

Daddy's View: Dad's Matter Too

My story starts out the day we found out we were expecting. We had dealt with fertility issues to the point that for 6 years we heard the word "no" so much, it became the norm and we gave up. My wife went to the hospital for another non related issue. While she was there, I was out of town. I called to check on her just as the doctor walked in. After she spoke with the doctor, she told me on the phone "you're going to be a daddy". I didn't know how to respond. Finally I heard the words I've been longing to hear.Was this true? Did she really say it? I asked her to repeat and she said the same thing again. Still in shock I snapped out of it after hearing "hello??" from my wife. I started yelling with excitement...I couldn't contain myself.  Where I was...people were looking at me weird but I didn't care.

Fast forward to the morning of loss. My wife had been spotting the day before and the doc said it was normal and if it got worse to go to the ER.  Well it got worse and on our bathroom floor my wife was in extreme pain. Painfully I had to get my wife up and off the floor to get her to the ER. It was hurtful to me to force her to get up when she was in so much pain, but I didn't want was about to happen to happen on the floor. I wanted her to be with medical staff. 

We got to the hospital...I dropped her off and parked the truck. I expected her to be in her room by the time I got there. Wrong. She was still being checked in. I was irritated that they weren't in a hurry with what was going on. Finally we get back to the room and the nurse came in. My wife said she needed to go to the bathroom and they gave her a catch cup to put in the toilet. This is when she ended up passing our baby. She went into shock... she was just standing there in the bathroom shaking and screaming. The nurse and I got her dressed and moved her to another room.  I realized we lost our baby but I snapped into worry about the wife mode.  They gave her medicine for shock and it helped calm her down.  They did tests and proved that she did in fact pass our baby.  We were given discharge papers... information about the extra blood loss this week and a prescription to help with it. 

They asked us what we wanted to do with the baby. I wanted to have a service. I had to make the decision pretty much on my own because my wife was still medicated.  The doctor talked me out of a service because "its not normal for babies less then 21 weeks" and "no sense in paying funeral costs for a baby less than 21 weeks".  I thought about my parents funeral costs, which was about $5k and knew I couldn't afford that. So I chose for them to do what they do to dispose of him.  Later on I came to realize its only about $600 for a baby funeral and this is a decision that will always bother me because I could have afforded that!

I get my wife out to the pickup and we just sit there.  I'm at a loss. What do I do next? There was no help... no guidance... it was here's your papers now go home.  She asked me to make the calls because she couldn't do it.  So one by one I called family and friends to tell them the bad news.  All the questions were the same "do they know why?" and "how is Mandy?" followed by "well tell her we love her and we are praying for her".  Her? You don't love me or are praying for me? No one asked how I was. Hmmm must not have cared.  Then I told myself quit whining its not about you... you have to be there for her.  

Days went on... visits came... cards came... all very nice. For her... nothing about me. No one asked me how I was feeling... I was hurting too! He was my little boy too! How about how I feel like a failure? How about how I'm supposed to protect my family and my boy is gone. How about how my wife is in pain and there is nothing I can do to take her pain. Was that argument we got into a cause? I shouldn't have raised my voice and upset her. Is there anymore I could have done for him? For her? What am I supposed to do now?? Oh sorry whining again... deal with it and be there for her... its not about you its about your wife. 

- Douglas Hengstebeck

Ignorance With Loss- Speaking Out

It's absolutely heartbreaking when I'm surfing the Internet and actually see just how ignorant people are when it comes to child loss. Today I saw a news article on wpxi.com that pertained to a couple in California who gave birth to an angel. Immediately I had to read it and absolutely loved it. I love the fact that even though it's not my story or about my precious Dakota, it's still bringing awareness to Pregnancy and Infant Loss.

I then felt the need to share Dakota's picture too. For some reason when I see anything on this subject, I have the need to put my daughter out there too. I want people to know she existed and she lived. 

What broke my heart was the response the family got to their photo's of their sleeping angel when they were brought to the attention of the public. Each comment was as if someone had taken a knife and pushed it into my heart. 

Ignorance like these comments:

• "Private pictures ok. Dead babies on the internet no."

•  "Dead Babies on the Internet" - I feel like there is a social commentary type punk rock song in here somewhere...

• People grieve in their own way but the pictures should be kept private within the family not plastered everywhere on the internet and Facebook

• I think it's morbid and constitutes abuse of corpse.

• Not sure how I feel about that one 

1 in 4 women experience child loss in some form...some experience it multiple times. I am 1 in 4. We lost our daughter at 40 weeks 5 days. If you have NEVER lost a child, feel blessed because it does change who you are and how you deal with things. I am glad people are speaking out about it and raising awareness. How dare you pass judgement on grieving mothers for having pictures done. Grow up and realize all life is precious and stop being petty. These comment dig deep down inside and bother the heck out of me. Value every second of life. 

Until you lose a child at birth, you have no idea the pain and loss you feel. I feel that no one should have to experience this. It is not warped or disturbing to take photo's of your sleeping angel. What makes you so high and mighty that you can judge? 

Those of us that have lost babies cope in different ways. Don't put the grieving parents down because it is not the way you would choose to grieve. Everyone who thinks this is morbid just can't handle the truth that yes these situations do happen. This is the truth to child loss  Families get photos because it's their child. They will share these with their future children and so on. It's comfort for them to see their little angel. 

IF you're one of those people who deem it warped or disturbing, do me a favor.... chose one of your children you choose to live life without. Yeah, pick one. Doesn't matter which. Now... imagine choosing a headstone for that child. Or how about this, imagine what that child would look like laying in a casket. You know... "dead and disturbing". Ohhh look at that... I hit a nerve. I bet you can't even imagine either one of these scenarios. Can you? 

Now.. picture funeral music playing, flowers, and your last kiss before the casket is closed forever. Remember this will be the last time you will EVER see your child again on this earth. Oh, now they're getting ready to bury your child. They lower the casket as you force yourself to look away. Next they throw the dirt in the hole where your child was just lowered. Let me tell you... IT SUCKS!!!!!

You have NO right to sit back and judge me as an angel mother for how I choose to deal with the loss of my child. Therefore, until you experience it.. how about you educate yourself about Pregnancy and Infant Loss? Or how about this... reach out and send comfort to a family who was forced to say goodbye before they even had the chance to say hello! Until then, I'll shout it from the roof tops and the mountain tops that my daughter LIVED! You have no right to either like or dislike what I choose to do until you have been here yourself! Plain and simple!!!!