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Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Letter To My Husband – Couldn’t Be More Thankful!

Greg,
 
I want you to know that being your wife has been one of the greatest gift God has ever given me. Not only because of how happy you make me, not because of the wonderful ways in which you love me, but because of WHO YOU ARE. You are defined by kindness, trust, and commitment. Those aren’t things you have to strive for, those are things that come so easy to you because they are written on your heart and are a part of your very soul. There aren’t enough words to express how thankful I am that I get to be the person you share your life with. You chose me at a time when I was so low. God knew what He was doing when He gave you to me. He knew you would be everything I ever needed and more.

I stop and think about all the memories we've made, the good times and the bad that we've shared, and the love between us keeps growing. You are not only my husband, but my best friend and soul mate. You are a blessing from above - one that I do not take for granted. I thank you for all the things  you've done for me and the kids. Not only are you a wonderful husband, you're a terrific father, provider and caregiver. You give so freely to all those you know in such a loving way. Your generosity is inspiring! I love you more than words, more than life. I'm forever grateful for your love and proud to be your wife. 

I want you to know that I am thankful for all the work that you do! I know you are working so much where we barely see each other, but I know you are providing the best way you know how for our family...so thank you! Thank you for being such a hard worker. You are doing such a great job of balancing work while getting us into our new home.

Seeing you work so hard has really made me fall in love with you all over again! I guess it’s because you’re so passionate about the things that you do I can’t help but love you more and more.  I love just hanging out with you! I love knowing that we can do get time together, we have fun, laugh together and we don't take things too seriously!

I am so thankful that Jesus brought us together and is what makes our marriage work. Keep loving Jesus and we’ll always be right where we are supposed to be! I love the way you keep going after what God has called you to and look forward to the many adventures that come with that perseverance. I’m ready to follow you wherever God leads you!

I love you because every day you are trying to get to know me better and in the midst of that I get to know you better. I love how you cuddle me every night so that I can sleep. I love the fact that you are always thinking about me. I love that most days you come home and the first thing you do is greet our precious children. I love that you listen to me and that you really do appreciate my feedback and point of view, even if you're not showing it by words. I love that you challenge me to be better at the things that I enjoy doing and how you push me to get better at the things I’m not too good at.

I love that you love me. I absolutely love seeing you with kids (and have come to accept the fact that they love you more than they love me)! There is a special side of you that comes out when you’re in the presence of our babies. It’s like you’re more in tune with them and I know that you are a magnificent father!

I love your hear. I love your strength. I love your determination. I love the fact that you know so much about so many things. I love that you are such a kid at times. I love the fact that you are an honest man. I love that you fight for our marriages because I know that I will always be fighting for it! I love that divorce is NOT an option and that there will never be a reason to think that it is! I love that we make our own traditions. I love that we are good at road-trips and we both like to travel to new places!

I look forward to our lives together for many, many more years. I promise to always love you, even when I may not like you. I promise to try to do everything without complaining. I promise to always think of you first and to honor, respect, and pray for you. I love you and am so thankful that God made a way for us to be together!  Thank you for being my knight in shining armor and treating me like a princess. Thank you for supporting me and praying for me and for being a FAR MORE ABUNDANTLY better husband than I could ever have imagined! I love being your wife and always will!

 Loved By Me Always,
Your Wife- RaeBeth

This is what true love looks like!!!


Monday, November 24, 2014

Parenting a Child with ADHD: Part One

Recently we took Sunshine to the Doctor to have her evaluated for ADHD. What brought us to this decision included several factors that we had noticed over time. Of course, some of these are getting worse and new problems are arising.

Back in June, we were told by our old landlord that she was going to make us move after Rainbow was born. I didn't like the idea of having to move right after giving birth. When we told us this, there was two weeks left with the month. Now, up to this point, Sunshine had been doing very well in school. She made highest honors and was a well behaved child.

The sudden move left us in a tiff. The home we moved into was by no means acceptable for my children. Some have called me ungrateful for this, but I only want the best for my children. (I explained part of the situation here) Sunshine's behavior changed. We were getting letters from the school just about everyday. She would be getting into trouble for excessive talking and not following directions. In addition, she'd also be bringing home failing grades. This blew me away. She was a straight A student at her old school.

In the past, I thought ADHD was apparent since some things react differently with Sunshine. When she has sugar, she'll go to sleep easier. But give her something for sleep and it makes her hyper. We took her into the doctors at the beginning of the month and they did in fact agree with me. She has ADHD. Over the past month, she has been taking Concerta and we have adjusted our lives for her. So, here I am to help any other parent who may think their child has ADHD.

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First and foremost, handle it by keeping calm. Yelling and screaming isn't going to solve anything. In fact, it'll just add to the stress of the situation. Arguing will no get anything accomplished. Give them time to talk and express their feelings to you. If they don't want to talk, suggest for them to draw or write in a journal. This will help them channel their feelings and express them in a healthy way.

Create a well structured environment. Routines and expectations should be made clear and if the child breaks any such rules, the punishment should be fitting. Be sure to make the rules clear. One way to do this is to write them down on a rule chart and hang it where your child can see it at all times. When giving your child instructions to do something, keep it at one thing at a time. Kids with ADHD seem to get overwhelmed easily. If you're trying to get them to do their chores, focus on one at a time. Working as a team instead of against each other helps, too.

When the said child is doing the tasks at hand, give praise for a job well done. Most likely, this will encourage the calm and inviting atmosphere. As an example, my daughter knows that when she comes home from school, she is to start on her homework. This is usually a task all on its own. When she has homework that she doesn't understand or she's brought home a bad test score, I don't tend to yell at her. I go through each problem with her and we find the mistake together. There's also an hour of study time in the evenings to help with her grades.

Well, these are what I have for now. As we go further into this journey, I'll update and post any other tips that I find.

Still in Disbelief- Disrespect as it's MAX

One thing that I have been boiling over and can't seem to let go is when a man allows his best friend to openly disrespect his wife! Yep, you read that right. I am that woman who was recently disrespected by my husbands best friend. Every marriage will have it's ups and downs! I feel that if a man loves his wife, he'd do everything to protect her. He would NEVER allow someone to do this. 

My husband and I were having a typical argument within our marriage. Things were said that we didn't mean. It even came close to one of us leaving. However, this didn't concern my husbands best friend. 

On the 9th of November, I was getting my son ready for church when I got these messages from my husbands best friend:




Let me explain what is being talked about: This friend (which I'm going to name Donkey) needed a ride to pick up his car in another state about an hour away. My husband did not tell me that he agreed to help until just a few minutes before Donkey showed up. I had made plans with Sunshine for the day where she'd be able to spend it with her Daddy. Needless to say, that didn't happen. Not only that but Hubby left here and forgot some VERY important things that I needed for the kids. Of course this didn't leave me happy.

Now, as for the kids. Up to this point, I felt as if my Husband didn't want our marriage any longer. However, this wasn't anyone's concern, except for ours. We have had fights before and my emergency plan is to go to my Mothers. Of course I would take my children with me because their father couldn't have them with the way he works. He works too much to give them the proper attention. Where this is Donkey's business??? Beats me! 

Needless to say I followed his advice and removed any and ALL contact I had with him. Not only was he supposed to be my husbands friend, he was supposed to be mine as well. Here I am thinking I am being a friend to him when I am keeping a secret of his. She's pregnant after a miscarriage, so I didn't want to add any more stress to her. 

When I addressed this situation with Hubby, he told me that Donkey was allowed to have his own opinion. He said that this was okay. WHAT!!! How in the world is it okay for him to talk to me like that? I'm writing this post because it hurts me. To this day, Hubby still talks to Donkey like nothing happened, all the while I'm still hurting over what was said.

1. I am a very loving and caring person. Example: I opened my home to Donkey on multiple occasions when he had no where else to go.

2. Sorry, Sir but it seems as if you have a thing for drama. If you truly knew me, you'd know that I am the type of person who avoids it at all costs. I have my own drama in my life... I don't need you adding to it. 

3. If you are going to tell me what my God thinks of me... perhaps you should get it right! Go read the Bible and then come talk to me. My God is a very forgiving God and doesn't hold a grudge. He knows that his people will have attacks on their marriages from Satan. However, since we turned to the Lord once again, we are doing just fine.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Unintentional Hurt Husbands cause their Wife

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the Church" (Eph. 5:25).



Being married isn't easy. It's not the fairy tale you once believed as a child. There really isn't a happily ever after. Once two people become one, this is just the beginning. Marriage is a lot of work. I have been married for two years now and there has been a lot that has worked against my marriage. One thing is how my husband tends to indirectly hurt me without realizing it. I believe that many couples have these issues, therefore I am here today to put it out there for the husbands on how to better your marriage with your wife. The perfect marriage isn't out there, although we all would love that.



1. Cutting off in mid-sentence: Cutting her off while she is talking gives the appearance that you really aren't interested in what she has to say. It is disrespectful in all ways. When she's cut off, she may not voice it, but it really bugs her. Let her tell you her thoughts and LISTEN while she talks.


2. Corrects her when she's speaking: This could be cutting her off while she's talking because you've caught a mistake within whatever it is that she's talking about. It could also be finishes sentences when she's talking to someone. It can be speaking for her in the company of others. It's demeaning and can make her feel devalued when you present her to others.


3. Admires other women over her: She watches you and you're watching someone else. This makes her feel as if she doesn't catch your eye anymore. This can also lead into her thinking you may have been unfaithful, even though that may not be the case.


4. Act suspicious or secretive: Keeping your phone close at all times. Cleaning out every piece of you phone, examples are recent calls, text messages, internet history, etc. This makes her feel as if you're hiding something from her.
Another is walking away to talk on the phone and hanging up just as she walks into the room. Then she asks who it was...without realizing it you answer with an attitude. Again, this makes her feel as if you have something to hide
5 "I Don't Know": The ultimate answer to every question. This is one answer wives don't want to hear. If you're looking to start a fight or upset her, answer each question with it. When a husband answers with I don't know, they are giving the impression that they are not interested in what is being talked about or you just don't care. Try to give answers that contribute to the conversations. That way when you really don't know, you can say it and it won't come off as the above.


6. Not Standing Up: Under ALL circumstances, husbands should stand with their wife. No one should be able to openly disrespect your wife in ANY way. Yes, the entire world is entitled to their opinions, but when it's against your wife...stand by her. It doesn't matter if it's your best friend. Your wife's value is much more than a friend that can one day go away. No one should be able to openly disrespect your wife.


7. Keep Marriage problems within the marriage: Yes there is a difference between asking for advice or complaining. When you have an issue with your wife, talk to her about it. No one else should take her place. She's your other half and in the eyes of God, you are one. This just opens up the marriage for more problems.


***If you have anything to add, please do so by commenting below.***

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Catching up with the Buda Family

Whoa, the life of a mother with two children is completely different. Then add in being a full time author with it and exclusive breastfeeding. You have the formula for a very busy Mommy, which explains why I haven't wrote a post updating you until now.

So, Hubby FINALLY got the job he has been wanting for a while. They called yesterday and set up an interview for 9 AM this morning. By 9:05 he was told his first day is December 2nd!! So, now he will have more time with the kids and he will be making more on the hour.

Lots is new with the kids. Sunshine has been having a rough time in school for the last few months. Her behavior went from well behaved to excessive talking and not following directions. Not to mention that she's went from a school that didn't implement the common core math yet. So that adds to the struggle. However, we have had her in to see her doctor who diagnosed her with ADHD and prescribed Concerta. She's been on this now for a week. I'm praying this helps her out. 

Baby Boy is growing very well and is still exclusively breastfed. This is a blessing in its own because I so badly wanted this experience with Dakota. I didn't have the support that I needed with Sunshine, but my Husband is very supportive with Rainbow. He's being treated for acid reflux. The medication they gave him seems to help. I just wish there was something I could do for his gas. **Any tips would be very much appreciated.**

Right now we are planning a move, again. The home we moved into wasn't suitable for my children. So we are looking for a better home. Unfortunately, this means another school transfer may be in the future for Sunshine. 

Well, this is an overview of what's been going on. Keep an eye open for another update coming soon. 

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Daddy's View: Dad's Matter Too

My story starts out the day we found out we were expecting. We had dealt with fertility issues to the point that for 6 years we heard the word "no" so much, it became the norm and we gave up. My wife went to the hospital for another non related issue. While she was there, I was out of town. I called to check on her just as the doctor walked in. After she spoke with the doctor, she told me on the phone "you're going to be a daddy". I didn't know how to respond. Finally I heard the words I've been longing to hear.Was this true? Did she really say it? I asked her to repeat and she said the same thing again. Still in shock I snapped out of it after hearing "hello??" from my wife. I started yelling with excitement...I couldn't contain myself.  Where I was...people were looking at me weird but I didn't care.

Fast forward to the morning of loss. My wife had been spotting the day before and the doc said it was normal and if it got worse to go to the ER.  Well it got worse and on our bathroom floor my wife was in extreme pain. Painfully I had to get my wife up and off the floor to get her to the ER. It was hurtful to me to force her to get up when she was in so much pain, but I didn't want was about to happen to happen on the floor. I wanted her to be with medical staff. 

We got to the hospital...I dropped her off and parked the truck. I expected her to be in her room by the time I got there. Wrong. She was still being checked in. I was irritated that they weren't in a hurry with what was going on. Finally we get back to the room and the nurse came in. My wife said she needed to go to the bathroom and they gave her a catch cup to put in the toilet. This is when she ended up passing our baby. She went into shock... she was just standing there in the bathroom shaking and screaming. The nurse and I got her dressed and moved her to another room.  I realized we lost our baby but I snapped into worry about the wife mode.  They gave her medicine for shock and it helped calm her down.  They did tests and proved that she did in fact pass our baby.  We were given discharge papers... information about the extra blood loss this week and a prescription to help with it. 

They asked us what we wanted to do with the baby. I wanted to have a service. I had to make the decision pretty much on my own because my wife was still medicated.  The doctor talked me out of a service because "its not normal for babies less then 21 weeks" and "no sense in paying funeral costs for a baby less than 21 weeks".  I thought about my parents funeral costs, which was about $5k and knew I couldn't afford that. So I chose for them to do what they do to dispose of him.  Later on I came to realize its only about $600 for a baby funeral and this is a decision that will always bother me because I could have afforded that!

I get my wife out to the pickup and we just sit there.  I'm at a loss. What do I do next? There was no help... no guidance... it was here's your papers now go home.  She asked me to make the calls because she couldn't do it.  So one by one I called family and friends to tell them the bad news.  All the questions were the same "do they know why?" and "how is Mandy?" followed by "well tell her we love her and we are praying for her".  Her? You don't love me or are praying for me? No one asked how I was. Hmmm must not have cared.  Then I told myself quit whining its not about you... you have to be there for her.  

Days went on... visits came... cards came... all very nice. For her... nothing about me. No one asked me how I was feeling... I was hurting too! He was my little boy too! How about how I feel like a failure? How about how I'm supposed to protect my family and my boy is gone. How about how my wife is in pain and there is nothing I can do to take her pain. Was that argument we got into a cause? I shouldn't have raised my voice and upset her. Is there anymore I could have done for him? For her? What am I supposed to do now?? Oh sorry whining again... deal with it and be there for her... its not about you its about your wife. 

- Douglas Hengstebeck

Saturday, October 11, 2014