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Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Baby Jaxson- Week 31 Update

I had another appointment yesterday to check in on baby Jaxson. I was really worried about him due to all the stress I have recently been going through. He had been active for several days in a row and then his activity seemed to drop. 

As I was telling the nurse this, she suggested us to hook me up to the Non Stress Test machine for a little while to be sure the baby was doing fine.

I wasn't sure how to feel about this since I haven't gone through this part yet. The doctors have talked to us about it and have tested the baby during ultrasounds, however I wasn't put in the Non Stress test room. That ended as of yesterday. 

For those of you who haven't went through a non stress test, it's rather simple. You relax in the chair with your feet up. They have two monitors strapped to your belly. One is to measure any contractions you may have during the test and the other measures the baby's heart rate. Then, they give you a button to push when you feel baby move. It's that easy. 

The test lasted for about a half an hour. I enjoyed listening and feeling Jaxson moving. However, I do not think he likes the straps on my belly. He tried to kick them off the entire time. This was the most movement I had felt the entire 24 hours that I noticed the decrease in his movements. It was so relieving and I had to fight back tears. The relief that washed over me made me hopeful once again. 

My blood pressure and weight were good. This time when I saw the high risk doctor, the visit didn't last very long. It seemed as if she was in a rush compared to the male doctor I usually see. I had questions that I didn't quite remember to ask, so now I'll have to wait until my next appointment. Well, that unless these questions needs answers as soon as possible. 

One thing I have trouble with now that I didn't have in the beginning is restless leg syndrome. This crap drives me nuts at night because it's soooo hard to sleep. As I just fall asleep, I get the sudden urge to move my legs. At times it either feels like pins and needles or a crawling feeling all over my feet and legs. As you can guess, with the lack of sleep, I'm constantly tired. This makes for a long day the next day if I need to wake up early or I end up sleeping until eleven in the morning. (Which I hate!)

Well this is the update for this round. I go back again on July 28th. They also have me scheduled for an ultrasound to check in on Jaxson. So, I'm pretty excited to see him again. I pray the ultrasounds keep coming because they are what keep me hopeful and sane! 

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Baby Jaxson Progress

I thought it would be cool to see how much my baby belly has changed since December.... take a look...

7 weeks pregnant

 17 weeks

18 weeks

24 weeks

 25 weeks

More recent photo's to come.... 
So, what do you think? 

Monday, July 7, 2014

Pregnancy without Fear.....

....not for this Momma!!

As of today I am 30 weeks into my pregnancy with our rainbow, Jaxson. Before the loss of our daughter Dakota, pregnancy was a time of hope, joy, and happiness. I enjoyed everything about it. I was excited to see that I was one of the few who actually LOVED being pregnant and everyone could see that with the way I held myself during the pregnancy. 

I never expected that my second pregnancy would end so tragically. I had hopes and dreams for Dakota, which was quickly taken away from me. Now I am given another blessing of pregnancy with a boy. At first I couldn't come to terms with the fact that we were blessed with a boy instead of a little girl. Deep down inside I wanted another daughter. I wanted the dreams that I had for Dakota to be passed on to our next daughter. However, that isn't going to happen because we are having a boy. It took me several weeks to come to terms with the fact that we were having a boy. 

For most of this pregnancy, I have found it really hard to bond with Jaxson. I'm honestly afraid to. I feel that if I fall in love and begin to get excited, he too will be taken away from me. My husband and Sunshine felt the same way too. We were all suffering very differently, however, I could not control my emotions and was constantly in fear. My husband handled it his way and our Sunshine was handling it in her way. 

I find myself wondering if I will be bringing a baby home this round in my arms or in my heart. I am part of several pregnancy after loss groups on Facebook and I have seen other angel mom's comment with "If I can just make it past X weeks, then I'll be fine." But what happens when everything is perfect during the ENTIRE pregnancy and labor comes on, then you find out your little one has passed into the arms of Jesus? There is no safe zone for me. 

As the weeks tick by (and they are VERY quickly), I become more anxious, scared, and worried. I so BADLY want my son to survive the birth, his first year, and many more years to come. However, I feel as if I am free falling from the Heavens and at any time I am going to crash land back to where I was a year ago. I fear that I'll go into labor and Jaxson will join his sister in Heaven instead of his family here on earth. 

I've prayed to the Lord about my anxiety and my fears. Do I believe the Lord would allow it to happen again? I want to say no because I don't believe he puts more on us than what we can handle. But how do I have my faith overpower my fears when the outcome would destroy me if the dreaded happened again?

Stressed Beyond the Max

Let me say this... when pregnant think twice about moving. The stress of a move will put you on the edge no matter what you try to do. Then when you do plan to move, be sure it's not in a hurry. My family and I are going through a lot of stress right now. Let me fill you in a bit. (Which I must say to me is a bit embarrassing but as you all know.... I keep no secrets.) 

The move that I did recently was a forced move. My old landlord was just plain out MEAN! My daughter wasn't allowed to be a child and actually have fun outside. We would constantly be yelled at for things that were out of our control. In the middle of June this landlord told me that after our baby is born we would have to move. So, my hubby took matters into his own hands and began the search for another place. This gave us a total of two weeks to pack and move. He did find a home for us temporarily. What he didn't know... is the problems that came with it.

We moved from an apartment that had two bedrooms, a bath, living room, and kitchen. It was two story and spacious. The move was to a smaller trailer in the county where I grew up. I was happy to get away from Cruella de ville and for my Sunshine to FINALLY be able to be a kid. What I didn't know... was that I wouldn't be as happy as I thought. 

As we moved in work was being done on the pipes because the previous tenants broke them, as well as the steps. So the stairs had to be redone. All the while I am trying to make this smaller place into home. I've been here for a week and it still doesn't feel like home. 

I haven't really slept much within the past week. I'm dealing with a lot. I don't like this place I'm in now and can't wait to find another that is more suitable for my children. The pipes under the trailer aren't connected properly so water gets under the trailer, which attracts flies and gnats. The toilet isn't working right. It seems like one problem after another. 

However, we put in every dime we had in order to do this move, so we have to make the best of this while Hubby and I save up the money to move AGAIN! 

Well, this is the update on our move. I'll update you all on Jaxson in another post!!! 

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

27 Weeks Pregnant- Update

As of Monday...June 16th I reached another milestone within my pregnancy with baby boy. I'm officially 27 weeks. I had another check up with the ultrasound tech and my high risk doc. The entire visit was entertaining, yet reassuring. The doctor surprised me with the glucose drink for the diabetes testing. I wasn't aware that we were going to do this test, but I got it over with. As of this morning I was able to see that I passed this test, which is a blessing because I failed it when I was pregnant with Dakota. 

Baby boy is growing well. He's measuring in at about 2.5 lbs. and has been extremely active. I'll be seen again in July and then we will start the every two week visits. Those will consist of non-stress tests and ultrasounds to monitor baby boy's activity. 

Well that's this update. I'll be back with another one after my next appointment. 

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Things they don't tell you about Pregnancy.....PART ONE

As you all know, I'm six months pregnant with my third child. Everyone knows that each pregnancy is different. Therefore, I have decided to write a post on the things I found out about pregnancy while experiencing three very different journey's. Most of the time these things happen and at other times they may not happen at all. It seems as if people pump up the "joys" of pregnancy, but fail to talk about the uncomfortable, disgusting, and funny things that happen as well. We have periods, discharge, leaky nipples, and cramps, and labor. What a disaster being a woman is at times!

Hopefully today you'll laugh a little, learn a little, or just agree with the things listed below. If you're easily disgusted or grossed out, keep on moving and don't bother to read the list below. If you're immature and can't handle human nature, I suggest you read the sentence before this one. With that being said, here are the things I feel they DON'T tell you about pregnancy!

1. Every pregnancy is different. They fail to say just how different they can be. With my first pregnancy, I felt like I could run a marathon. I was kicking to go from conception to labor. With my second pregnancy, I felt as if I wanted to crawl into bed and hibernate for the entire nine months due to not having the energy.

2. Morning Sickness- First and foremost, it doesn't happen ONLY in the morning. It can hit at anytime during the day and it may even last ALL day. Anything can be a trigger. As an example, just smelling my husbands deodorant sparked my morning sickness in the last two pregnancies. 

3. Your boobs DO get a bit more firm, however, they don't ALWAYS get bigger. Yep, they will swell up like balloons and be sore. Nursing bras and breast pads will be your friend at some point. Boobs leak. Mine didn't leak with my first until after my sunshine was born. But with my angel and rainbow, PLEASE someone turn off the damn tap. Don't get me wrong, I do plan on breast feeding. But when you're changing into that newly washed maternity top and you're boobs decide to leak at that moment for the first time, things can become emotional.  

4. You will get constipated and your vaginal discharge will increase. The grossness of it tends to be one subject many don't talk about. Then, the worries with "Is this normal discharge or my mucus plug?" come into play towards the end. 

5. You will be moody. At one moment you can be in a great mood and the next, you're ready to call your best friend to help you hide the body! The emotional shit storm that you'll be going through is a rough one so hold on tight! 

6. Sex- Now this tends to go one way or another. You could end up not having a drive at all or it could sky rocket over night. I experienced both and I must say.. they both SUCK! When your drive disappears, you try to explain this to dear hubby but he just doesn't understand how you could just NOT want it. But when your drive increases, Hubby better watch out. Well, at least until the baby belly gets in the way and starts to make you feel like a whale. I swear if people could have seen some of the things I have tried to even have sex comfortably, they would have said that I would make a GREAT "Americas Funniest Home Video."  

7. You will have weird and vivid dreams. (If you didn't read about my weird dreams, you can do so here.) Some people who have heard about my dreams say they completely understand why I decided to write.

8. Things tend to swell in areas you didn't realize could swell. The blood within a woman's body increases during pregnancy, as well as the weight gain and fluid retention, this could have you floating down the Mon River. Your feet and hands swell. Your legs and thighs swell. Boobs swell. Yes, even the genitals swell. So, this makes for a few uncomfortable months.

9. When baby moves, it's not ALWAYS something to coo over. At times, that crap hurts! Some of the weirdest feeling I have felt, at times made me think of an alien. The constant laying on the lower back, skidding a limb across the inner side of the belly, and the hiccups tend to distract you at times. Then you have the famous, full body roll. This is where baby decides the full position he's in isn't comfortable anymore and in an instant rolls into the other side of your body.

10. Hemorrhoids are very common. They will flare up and make life crappy for you during pregnancy. Let me tell you.... they suck. They happen even when you have no trouble in the bathroom and the baby can just be head down on the rectum the whole time!

11. At some point, you will dread having to sneeze. The pressure of the baby relaxing on your bladder could cause you to pee when you sneeze. Then, you don't want to add allergies into the mix. That's a mixture for disaster! The allergy medications don't always work, therefore you may find yourself sneezing more than you bargained for. So, my suggestion... liners are a MUST!

12. Unexpected headaches- Those suckers will knock you for a loop at times. Anything can trigger them. Lights too bright. Lights too dim. Loud noises. Smells. The list could continue on but I'm sure you get the hint. 

13. Clothes will not fit the same. It could be a few weeks or a few months, but your changing body will make getting dressed (unless you have a crap load of maternity clothes) a chore. Add in the summer months and shopping for a bikini... yeah... emotional disaster waiting to happen. 

14. Prepare for Braxton Hicks. They are normal, yet painful at times. Everyone is like 'you're glowing' and isn't this the best thing ever? I'm just like, I haven't even brushed my hair and I'm having a Braxton hicks! 

Keep an eye out for Part Two... coming soon!