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I'm so glad you have come across my little nook in the cyber world. Here I strive to be real and inspire. I talk about my walk in faith as a Christian, motherhood, the loss of my child, and anything else that crosses my mind. Join me for a minute and relax?

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

It's Confirmed- I'm Pregnant

First Doctor's Appointment

Man, talk about an emotional roller coaster.  The past few weeks have been crazy for me. I have literally laid in bed for almost two weeks straight. I'm constantly tired and it seems everything makes me feel sick.

All of last week I was in bed due to a cold. It was not fun. 

I started to pick up over the weekend and leading up to the doctor's appointment. I was scheduled at 1 PM.

We had to take our oldest daughter with us due to school being canceled for the extremely cold weather.  I wasn't too excited about this. If you've been to a confirmation appointment, you know the routine. One things included within this visit is blood work and a pap test. Obviously I wasn't going to allow my seven year old in the room with me, so she and Hubby waited in the waiting room. 

After I was called back, my emotions took their toll. My weight was good and same with my blood pressure. Then, the urine pregnancy test confirmed my pregnancy. I'm 7 weeks along. My heart pounded this entire time because I wasn't sure what to expect being officially considered high risk.

After the doctor examined me, she smiled and said, "Let's go into the next room and take a look at the heartbeat. Shall we?" 

My heart went crazy. I needed to see the heartbeat. I internally wanted to ask for one but thought it was way too soon. So, I didn't. As I wrapped my sheet around me and made my way into the ultrasound room, my heart saddened for a moment because my Husband wasn't there to see our rainbow baby for the first time.

The doctor set me up and showed me my little baby on the screen. The heart was beating nicely and matched our estimation with how far along I am. (Of course, I kept very good track of my cycle, along with everything else. I know the exact moment when I conceived.) After about an hour and a half, the doctor asked me to head off to the lab for blood work. Now this was the part I hated. I HATE needles with a passion. 

I pushed my way down to the lab, signed in, and waited for my name to be called. While I waited, I filled hubby in on what happened with the doctor. He was upset a bit that he didn't get to see our little sweet pea, but he was thankful to hear that all looks good. About 15 minutes into our wait, my name was called.

I'm the type of person who passes out when I have blood drawn. I hate it and can't help it. I notified the woman who was about to have me sit in a chair that it wasn't such a great idea if I stayed sitting up. I need to recline when having the blood taken. Without a problem, we went into the overly stuffed chair and reclined. This is where the sucky part came. 

I found my focus point within the room and concentrated on breathing so I wouldn't pass out. When the tunnel vision started, I looked at what she was doing. It seemed as if it was taking FOREVER!!! I saw a tiny bit of blood in the vial and asked what was wrong. She couldn't get the blood to flow like she needed it to. So she stuck me AGAIN!!! OUCH. 

Once again, the blood wouldn't come. By this time, I am ready to slide off the chair and visit the dark fuzzy world we all see when we go to pass out. I asked her for a drink. She finally decided to give up and ask for help. Another woman came in and popped in the needle. The blood came out and filled up their tubes. DONE!! Well that only took another hour.

Once I got home, I couldn't get over feeling dizzy and wanting to throw up. Plus, my arm felt like it was one big bruise. I did the next thing I could do.... SLEEP! 

Sunday, January 26, 2014


We are at two months of trying to conceive our Rainbow Baby. (For those who don't know- Rainbow Baby is a baby a couple has after a loss.) Our first month wasn't a success. However, our second month has been a different story.

On January 9th, I woke up and realized I was four days late for my monthly. I couldn't wait to see if I was in fact pregnant. My husband worked night shift the night before, so he was in bed sleeping. Our oldest daughter was at school. I took this opportunity of being alone and headed off to the store for a pregnancy test.

Once I got back and took the test, I couldn't believe my eyes. 

POSITIVE!!!  Two months into trying and our prayers were answered. I fell to the floor in tears and cried out in happiness to our Lord. He's the one who made this possible. I cried and cried. I prayed and prayed.

I pulled myself together and ran into the bedroom. I couldn't help it. I needed to tell my husband. I knew he had only a few hours of sleep by this time, but I couldn't wait. I needed to tell him.

I asked him to wake up and make sure his eyes were adjusted before I continued. When he motioned that he was awake and ready to hear what I needed to say... I moved the test results up to where he could see it. Immediately he sat up in bed with a huge smile on his face. Then, he picked up the phone and called my Mom.

I figured since he was calling family.... so would I. A few short hours later, all of our closest family knew the news. Prayers started for this pregnancy to carry to full term, with a screaming, healthy baby at the end.

My husband and I agreed to keep it all a secret until after my doctor confirmed that I was in fact really pregnant. I scheduled the appointment for January 27th, which happened to be the 8th month Angelversary for our darling Dakota.

From the 9th to the 26th, I think I hit all pregnancy symptoms, which were only made worse by a cold. I was tired, moody, hungry, nauseous, and wanted to lay in bed. Hubby was running to the store for each craving. All the while, I was worried and scared. It's hard not to, even when you're a Christian.


Monday, January 13, 2014

General Update

Things have been rather busy for me since the beginning of the new year. So many blessings have hit my family since the start of 2014. 

To start off with- January 1st, my husband found out he earned a raise. This is an answered prayer. He has been working so hard to provide for my family while I pursue my career as a self published author.

The weekend of Jan. 3rd to Jan. 5th- I was able to make it to stay the weekend with my Mom and attend church. I love when I am able to spend time with her and enjoy the company of the wonderful people within her church. 

On Jan 5th, I attended my cousin's baby shower. This I was worried about since it was the first one that I managed to go to since the loss of my daughter. I wasn't sure if I could handle it. I noticed that on my way to the shower, my spirit was up and I was actually HAPPY! I did great at the shower and kept this mood up. I could honestly say that I was super excited for the Mom to Be and Daddy to Be. 

This great mood continued on during the following week.

On Jan. 9th, I woke up to a belated Christmas present- a new Keurig machine. Hubby was off of work at 4 AM and decided to pick it up. He had it sitting on the table covered with a blanket when I came down that morning. Tell me about waking up in a GREAT mood! This set the mood for the rest of the day. The day was filled with blessings as it ventured into night. I actually went to bed.... for the first time in seven months with a smile on my face!

Here we are on January 13th and my mood still goes on. I did feel myself getting a little depressed last night as I allowed my mind time to dwell on the past. Once I noticed it, I immediately put on the breaks. I wasn't going to allow the heartbreak back in. I love my little girl. I miss her everyday, but I don't believe she would want me to be unhappy all the time. 

I have been keeping up with my resolutions as much as I can. Most people don't get this far into the year without breaking at least one. I'll admit... I have veered off but as soon as I noticed this, I pushed myself back on track.

After all of the blessings I have received this far, I must say that I am very thankful that the Lord has given me beautiful moments with my family and something else I can smile for.