Come on in!

I'm so glad you have come across my little nook in the cyber world. Here I strive to be real and inspire. I talk about my walk in faith as a Christian, motherhood, the loss of my child, and anything else that crosses my mind. Join me for a minute and relax?

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

My Apologies

I just wanted to update you all on why I haven't posted on my blog in the past few days. I have been dealing with horrible teeth pain. I say teeth pain because it's not only one tooth. There's like 6 of them that need pulled. As soon as I figure something out to give myself relief, I will be back to writing as soon as I can. (No dental coverage) I may have to go into the ER to see if they can help.

Ms. Tired of the pain, Raebeth

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Family Photos

I'm excited because we had our family reunion today. I got some great shots with my camera.

My Daughter

My Daughter

My Niece

Myself, My daughter, baby sis, oldest sis, and older sis.

Biological Sisters

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Email I received this morning: MUST READ

Five (5) lessons about the way we treat people

1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor

Gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student

And had breezed through the questions until I read

The last one:

"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the

Cleaning woman several times. She was tall,

Dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question

Blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if

The last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely, " said the professor.. "In your careers,

You will meet many people. All are significant.. They

Deserve your attention and care, even if all you do

Is smile and say "hello.."

I've never forgotten that lesson.. I also learned her

Name was Dorothy.

2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American

Woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway

Trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had

Broken down and she desperately needed a ride.

Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.

A young white man stopped to help her, generally

Unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man

Took her to safety, helped her get assistance and

Put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his

Address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a

Knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a

Giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A

Special note was attached.

It read:

"Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway

The other night. The rain drenched not only my

Clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along.

Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying

Husband's' bedside just before he passed away... God

Bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving



Mrs. Nat King Cole.

3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those

Who serve.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less,

A 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and

Sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in

Front of him.

"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.

"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and

Studied the coins in it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the

Waitress was growing impatient..

"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins.

"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on

The table and walked away The boy finished the ice

Cream, paid the cashier and left.. When the waitress

Came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the

Table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish,

Were two nickels and five pennies..

You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had

To have enough left to leave her a tip.

4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a

Roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if

Anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the

King's' wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by

And simply walked around it.. Many loudly blamed the

King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did

Anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of

Vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the

peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the

stone to the side of the road. After much pushing

and straining, he finally succeeded. After the

peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed

a purse lying in the road where the boulder had

been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note

from the King indicating that the gold was for the

person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The

peasant learned what many of us never understand!

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve

our condition.

5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a

hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who

was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only

chance of recovery appeared to be a blood

transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had

miraculously survived the same disease and had

developed the antibodies needed to combat the

illness. The doctor explained the situation to her

little brother, and asked the little boy if he would

be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a

deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save

her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed

next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing

the color returning to her cheek. Then his face

grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a

trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away".

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the

doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his

sister all of his blood in order to save her.

Now you have

1 Delete this email, or

2. Forward it other people..

I hope that you will choose No. 2 and remember.

Most importantly....

NOW more than ever - Please... Pass It On....
You never know how or when you'll be paid!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Summer Fun

Well, the summer is coming to an end quickly. We have about a month left before our daughter begins Kindergarten. (Which I must say is more exciting for her and more stress for me) I can't believe she's already at that age where she goes to school. So, I'd like to share some of the fun things we did this summer...

First was her Awesome birthday bash, I'd like to thank all those who came and made the party a success:

Our Trip to Idlewild with awesome friends:

*Princess, face painting*

*Trying to get the sword out of the stone*

The pulling of the sword really deserved a break and drink.

Then, it was time to ride those rides.

Next, on the Summer Fun List is making sure Daddy had an awesome Father's Day by making his favorite snack, Deviled Eggs:

Daddy Gave them a try:

Next, and the last so far is the 4th of July and fireworks. (Which my phone won't let me upload them, ggrr)

Well, I hope you enjoyed the small peek into our life this past summer. Take care and have a great day.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Living With Depression and Anxiety

The title says it all. I'm currently battling depression and anxiety. I have been since I was a child. I recall as I was growing up, everyone calling my emotional turns as "RaeBeth moments." When in reality, it was depression and anxiety. When I'd be having an emotional day, family would ask me, "Is it raining in your world?" Both of these "tags" were given to me even though deep down inside they hurt my feelings. I didn’t, and still don't, understand what's going on.

I have been to several different doctors about this and I have tried many different medications. I have lost people within my life because they just couldn't handle my "difficult" attitude. When in reality, they couldn't handle me with depression. At times, I don’t feel like even getting out of bed. I just want to sleep. I even say that I hate my life. I hate the depression and anxiety. I hate that people around me take it as a joke and not something serious. They take me as a joke and not serious. When deep down inside, I just want them to understand.

I want the jokes to stop. I don't want to feel worthless in everything I do. I want to feel loved and respected. There has been many times where I contemplated taking my own life. But then my daughter's beautiful smiling face comes into my mind. I can't bare leaving her behind. I don't want her to grow up without her mother. So, I get up and push on. I have a hard time with normal daily tasks. Ones that others find second nature to them. Such as fixing my hair or doing my makeup.

There are days where I just feel over-whelmed and it seems the entire world is against me. Like everyone is out to get me. On days such as today, I don't want to be around people. I only want the comfort of my home. I hardly leave my house. It takes me everything I have and everything I am just to get ready knowing that eventually I have to walk out the door. Once I am out my door, I do have fun. I do enjoy the time. It's just pushing myself to do it that is hard.

I find myself making excuses when it comes to family gatherings and holidays where I will be around a lot of people. I just don't like leaving my home. If I'm out shopping, I try to keep myself close to one of the exits to ensure that if a panic attack comes on, I can leave without making a scene. I keep my cell phone in hand (if my fiancé and daughter go off while I do the shopping) so I can easily call him and tell him that it's time to go. This happens to me all the time.

Life with depression and anxiety is hard. Every day it seems as if you’re on a roller coaster of emotions. But you just don’t know which emotion will hit you first. I wish for each tear that I cry; that's how many more people understand depression and see that it's real. Each tear that falls, I wish that just one more person will look at me like I'm human and not just "over-emotional." FYI I can't control the emotions therefore over-emotional doesn't even begin to describe what I feel.

In conclusion, it seems that medications only make it worse and talking to a complete stranger isn't what I call logic.... the best way I can figure to deal with this is to talk about it and find someone out there that understands. Someone I can talk to and confide in without the fear of judgment. I know that person is out there; if so, I'm begging you, PLEASE find me.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Happy 4th to Everyone

I may not update this blog again until after Monday. So, I wanted to wish everyone a happy.......

I know my daughter is ready, this is a picture I took today: