The Uncomfortable Truth

Trust & Forgiveness

My biggest struggles in life right now.

A lot has happened to get me to the point in my life where

I struggle to forgive this particular person. You see.. when I thought I 

had forgiven them, something came up to show me that this person wasn't being the person

they were putting off. They would repeatedly do the exact things to hurt me, yet expect

me to continually forgive them..

... and I did because what kind of Christian would I be if I didn't forgive those

who has wrong me like Christ forgave those who wronged him? 

At times, I feel as if these feelings were going to consume me; leaving me unable to trust

fully once again. A lot of the time, I found myself living these past struggles, instead of enjoying 

the here and now. I couldn't help it though. 

The thought of this person being in these situations.. doing the things they did... replay in my mind 

like a movie I never intended to see. I often wonder if the words of encouragement, love, and endearment are real or if they're just a cover for more things going wrong. I struggled to set boundaries for myself; telling myself to let go. I remembered thinking that if I could just forgive...then I could move on. Then I wondered if it were pointless or worth saving.

I am often faced with the dilemma of... "Is it time to walk away to save me?" When is it okay to stop the hurt and say that it's enough?

Apology after apology.

Wrongdoing after wrongdoing.

Lies.

Deceit.

Secrets.

It's like a never-ending cycle. 

I can't make them change, regardless of how much I desire for them to do so. I try to talk with them, so they know the way I feel. This goes either one of two ways...

1. They never have anything to say....

OR

2. Their actions are a result of my inaction.

Then, I feel like I hit a brick wall.... again.

Communication halted.

A few days pass...

and we go on like nothing happened.

Everything was swept under the rug.

Except now...

now I am expected to carry on while carrying 

the hurt, anger, and pain.  

Never seems as if the cycle will end...

... unless....

I walk away.

Walking away....

the thought hurts and questions take over.

My heart aches thinking about it

but I know I have a choice to make.

They say history repeats itself...

... does this pertain to relationships?

If only they would fully open up and talk.

Put into action the words that they speak.

Show love...ALL the time. Not for a week and then go right back.

- Anonymous 

Sharing Our Angels

I am happy to announce that I have put up a website that focuses on Pregnancy and Infant Loss. My plan is to pack this site with useful information for those who have suffered a loss. I would love to see what everyone thinks of it.

There are several highlights to this website. I want to hear about your angels. Please take a moment to submit your story. Here is mine: http://sharingourangels.weebly.com/angel-stories.html  I'll add more stories once they are submitted.

I would love to honor your angels by adding them to the dedication page here: http://sharingourangels.weebly.com/angel-dedications.html

There will be lots of helpful pages for grieving parents and for friends/family of those who have suffered a loss.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope I see more submissions for the site soon. Have a wonderful day.

Emotional Basket Case

If you've been following along with my story, you know I recently got a full mouth of dentures. This process has been less then satisfying. I haven't wore them like I should. As a matter of fact, I really haven't worn them. Today's been the longest which has been six hours so far. I'm trying to keep them in until the adhesive gives.

At this point, most of the pain is gone. I was having bad pain with just placing them in my mouth. But I had an adjustment done yesterday. They feel a lot better. Although I think I may need to go back because I think they need to be adjusted again.

I'm not really sure how to feel about this. I want to look like myself again. But I feel I look different. Like weird, different. I was hoping for so much and I'm scared that I may be disappointed in the end. At this time, I really can't eat with them in.... and that's a shame because it's one of the reasons why I needed to get them. Even soft foods are difficult. In all honesty, it's really hard eating food you can't feel on the roof of your mouth. Drinking liquids aren't so hard. I've pretty much mastered that.

So, anyone with dentures....I have a question... How can I begin eating foods I love? I wanna eat a steak.. but have no idea how I'm going to get there.

Welfare Bums vs. People Who Need Help

One issue/topic I've seen flooding the internet between blogs and other social media sites are based on the assistance that states provide to their residents in the times of need. I for one have a strong opinion on this because I've walked the "hard" road and needed assistance to help me get through it. I completely understand those who work are tired of pretty much supporting those who abuse the system. Therefore, I decided to enlighten everyone with my thoughts on this issue as well.

First, I do know that everyone who turns to the assistance office for help isn't always those who abuse the system. I don't like hearing when people take advantage of it. When we came up to our rough time in our life, we needed the food stamps to feed our family because the income just wasn't enough. I've read an article where one person was complaining how she saw people use food stamps to buy steak, lobster, and birthday cakes. This made me a little mad. I don't see how this is even relevant to abusing the system. I would have to disagree. I don't think that anyone on "welfare" as a lesser person than I. They deserve nutrition just as much as the working American. On the other hand, she mentioned seeing a guy who ran a small business and bought the food for this business with his food stamps. So, technically the government is running his business that he's getting a profit from. This I felt was wrong. Yes, that's abusing the system.

I think some people don't realize that no all who are getting assistance, aren't low lives who refuse to work. Some just can't help it. I've also seen people post on their Facebook status's something along the lines of: "Well, just paid 6500 to the welfare bums".... or.... "Welfare bums really need to stop being losers and get a job. I'm tired of paying their way through life." Seriously? How ignorant!!!

I have seen the question arise asking if people think those who are on welfare should take a drug test. This one I would agree to. I don't see a problem with it here. It would help "weed" the system out of those who are only there to abuse the system. If I had to do the drug test when I needed the help, I wouldn't have had a problem with it. I know companies make their employers do drug testing so they can work.... I think it's fair to have those seeking assistance/getting assistance to do the same.


Another aspect I've read is where people are in a check out line with a buggy over flowing with food and they pull out a food stamp card while talking on their iPhone. This by far disturbed me. I know when I was getting assistance, there was no way I would be able to afford the iPhone along with the data package monthly. I feel if someone can afford to pay for a smart phone such as the iPhone, they could be using that money to pay their bills or feed their kids. Therefore, not needing as much help.

Then, there are those people who collect Social Security Income and just enjoy life while relaxing all day long. Now, don't get me wrong on this. I'm not talking about those who actually need the disability. I can understand if a hard working man takes a fall at work and gets injured... and can't work anymore due to this fall. I can't understand where those who have gotten by only because they are to lazy to go to work or make a bunch of excuses (such as I'm depressed, I'm diabetic, I have social anxiety) even when those around them know damn well they are pretty much just sick in their heads. This again, is abusing the system.

When I faced financial hardship and turned to the assistance office, I only used the resources I needed. (Food Stamps and medical for my child). I had WIC offered to me but declined only because I know the food that came in the checks, my daughter doesn't eat. Therefore, I wouldn't be taking food out of a child's mouth who needs it just because I qualified for it. If only everyone thought this way at times.

So, in conclusion this post isn't written to offend. These are just my responses to some of the articles and posts I've read on this subject.

Do you think everyone who applies for assistance should be drug tested? What are your thoughts on those who abuse the system?