My Love Letter to a Christian Mom Who's Pregnant Again After Loss

Dear Mom who's Expecting Their Miracle, 

 I am writing to you as I sit here at my computer pregnant with my rainbow baby. Although I only started this journey 11 weeks and 2 days ago, I wanted to pass along some words to you. I hope you find this letter both comforting and hopeful. I am hopeful that my letter to you will be encouraging during this emotional time for you. Trust me...it's extremely emotional.

First and foremost, CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR RAINBOW!!

I know that in the months to come you will be going through a variety of emotions. You will feel as if you're being tossed and turned because of the many emotions that will take place within you. This could range from joy, sadness, hope, and fear. The emotional storm will toss you around like crazy. But... don't let this discourage you because I think you are STRONG and BRAVE! 

You are strong because you are a survivor. You are brave because above all else, you are pushing away what has been stolen from you.

It doesn't matter what type of loss you've experienced- miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death- the happiness you once felt during pregnancy has been taken and replaced with an overload of fear. Don't let this get you down. 

I do understand that the only thing you want is a healthy, screaming baby at the end of this pregnancy. Angel parents know there isn't a safe zone for our little ones. So, my advice to you is this. When talking about the future for your rainbow, you may find yourself using words such as "if" or "when" and this is normal. 

Don't let the enemy try to steal your happiness by telling you that it's wrong to be happy or excited. Don't let the enemy tell you that by having another baby, you're trying to replace your angel or you're going to forget your angel. This is NOT true. You have been given the blessing of life. Your miracle. Be VERY happy. This is what your angel would want you to do. Your sweet little angel knows just how much you love him/her. 

Now, as you find your way down this road of pregnancy, here are some of the things that I am doing to cope with the emotional aspect of it. First, live in each day and try not to worry. I know this is hard because I even find myself doing it at times. But then I think... "WOW, look at me. I've made it to my 11th week of pregnancy and next week I'll be able to see the baby." 

Each month that passes. Each week that passes. Each day that passes, Praise God for your blessing. Because you're making it! I can't promise you that you'll bring baby home or that your rainbow will be perfectly healthy. I can't promise you that your never going to experience a loss again. But what I can promise you is that God WILL be with you every step of the way. He will not allow you to walk this journey alone. Your fears... give them to HIM. Your anxieties... give them to HIM. He will take the burden of those while you enjoy your pregnancy. 

During your pregnancy try to put out milestones to reach. As an example, I have a small celebration every day where I am still pregnant and everything is well. I celebrate at the end of each week. I keep a journal and notes to my angel to document my feelings so I'm not bottling them inside. Start a blog like I did. It helps. 

Either way please know.... YOU'RE NOT ALONE!  Our Lord will be with you every step of the way and so will the many other angel parents who have/are walking this journey.

With Love,

RaeBeth

Happy 9th Angelversary, Dakota

HAPPY 9TH ANGELVERSARY IN HEAVEN DARLING!!! 

9 months ago today my world changed forever. I went to the hospital in labor thinking I would be bringing home our second daughter. Instead my world was shoved into a blender and tossed about. I have learned so much within the last 9 months and I believe each lesson was needed for me to learn. I learned how to love fully and forgive easily. I learned who my real friends were and gained some amazing new ones along the way. I became closer to God and began living my life fully for him. In return, the Lord showed me just how strong I am. I know for a fact that with the Lord I can and will make it through anything.

With that said, today is not only a milestone for Dakota but for me as well. This is the first angelversay of my daughter I never met. For in the past, this day was rough. But today was much different. I found myself being able to fully laugh and love, instead of cry while screaming to the Heavens why. It's a bittersweet day for me.

I love knowing that Dakota will NOT know what it's like to have her heart broken or know what any pain is for that matter. She only knows love and happiness. Her entire existence here on earth was filled with love and when her time came... she was greeted with the angels and Jesus. How could I want anything different for her? Every mother wants what is best for their child. I am no different. My daughter was born into the arms of Jesus!! You don't get any better than that!!!

Happy 9 month angelversary, Dakota. I can't wait to look into your eyes for the first time and hear you speak for the first time. I do know that I'll be seeing you soon. Until then, fly high and watch over Mommy, Daddy, and Sissy.

I love you to the moon and back; forever and infinity!

Our Rainbow: 11 weeks 2 days

I'm a little bit behind on this update. I had a check up appointment on Monday (Feb. 24th). It was an easy and quick visit. I got to hear our Lil Sweet Peas heartbeat, which was coming in around 160. Very strong so far and healthy sounding. I had a hard time forcing my tears back because this still feels like a dream to me.

The doctor briefly talked about what's ahead for us. Starting around 30 weeks I'll be going in weekly for Non-stress tests, as well as different types of ultrasounds. This also depends on how the pregnancy is going. There may be more or less depending on our little one.

She also mentioned not letting me carry this little one past 39 weeks. Once we see how I'm going to carry this little one and how things progress, they'll induce me around 38-39 weeks, unless I go into labor before hand.

I'm scheduled to go back in on March 6th for the first Ultrasound. Let me tell you.... this wait has to be one of the longest. Since I found out I am pregnant, this has been the only thing on my mind. At my first appointment, I got a glimpse of the little one but we know that one glimpse isn't enough.

After the ultrasound, there's blood work and then I won't see the doctor again until the end of March.

I'm praying everyday that the Lord allows us to keep this darling miracle. I can not tell you how much Lil Sweet Pea has done for me all ready. The last break down I had from the overly broken heart and pain was at the beginning of January. Yes, I still cry for Dakota and I miss her with every fiber of my being. However, I believe this little miracle was given to me to help mend my broken heart.

I find myself smiling more. I've managed to get somewhat back into my work. (For those who don't know I am a self published author.) I'm managing to be able to promote my work and very little at a time... work on my newest project I'm writing.

My husband and I have picked out names. 

BOY--> BRYSON SCOTT

GIRL--> BROOKLYN FAITH

Everyday is a blessing and I tend to live my life the fullest I can. With that said, I pray for the person reading this. Thank you for following my journey and my support. You're amazing and I don't know what I would do without you. <3>

Heartbeat Doppler from fetaldoppler.net

One of the joys of pregnancy is when we go in to our doctor and listen to the little miracle we carry and their heartbeat. Now, it's been made possible for Mommy's and Daddy's to do at home. I had one when I was pregnant with my oldest daughter but didn't think to buy one with our angel baby.

This time around is a MUST! I need to hear my lil sweet peas heartbeat A LOT.  Since I can't feel the baby moving yet, I get really worried something may be wrong. It often brings me to tears. So, to remedy this.... I went to fetaldoppler.net and ordered a Doppler to hear our rainbow baby's heartbeat.

The first time I tried it, I couldn't find it. This had me a bit worried but I knew deep within that all was fine. I left it alone for the time being. The next day I pulled it out again. This time I didn't give up until I got to hear the heartbeat.

It was perfect! The Doppler couldn't register the heart rate because it sounded so far away. I'm sure this is due to the fact that I was 8 weeks 4 days pregnant. I tried for a third time and it came in perfectly at around 150-160 beats per minute.

(If you're expecting and would like to know which Doppler I am using... here is the picture)

 I do plan on taking my 8 week picture. Although I know I am a bit late on it. I'll be 9 weeks tomorrow. Praise GOD!!!!!

Here's the video of our Rainbow Baby's heartbeat.

 (Sorry about the quality. Hubby's phone isn't that great!)

8 Weeks Pregnant

Well here I am to check in with the weekly progress of our Rainbow. To us, each day is a blessing. I praise our Lord for allowing me to carry this precious miracle every day. It's crazy how one huge event in your life and change your view on the entire outlook of life. Before I had Dakota and she gained her wings, I didn't appreciate the privilege it is to carry a child. I feel that when you're blessed with a tiny human, it's not something you're meant to do, but something you're allowed to do. God gives and he takes, but I can thank him enough for everything this journey has taught me.

I've become more passionate about life itself. I am less dramatic than what I was once before. At this point in my life, I go with the flow even if I don't like it. 

So week 7 was brighter. I was able to stay out of bed for most of the day instead of laying around all day. I hate that. I had a cold there for a while which made it a little harder on me. My biggest things that I am dealing with now are fatigue, heartburn, and constant cravings. It's weird because I have been craving anything meat. I've really wanted steak lately the most. Why I find this weird is because my two girls had me craving pickles. 

I've been allowing myself to begin celebrating. For the past few weeks I have been afraid to be happy. I felt like if I started to celebrate, something bad would happen. It seems like in the past every time I had something which made me super happy.... it was taken away from me. This time, however, is different because my faith in Christ is stronger and I look to him for everything. 

Well, there's the update. I thank you for following along with me on this journey. 

*** Picture to Come ***