Project Heal: Capture your Grief by CarlyMarie

It's that time again. October is here and so is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness. In addition to my strong will to support this cause, I take part in the Capture your Grief Project inspired by CarlyMarie each October.

What is Capture your Grief?

To me, this is a time of reflection when it comes to the loss of my daughter. I believe it helps me see how far I have come and how far I want to be. It gives me time to process Dakota's death each year and dedicate a little bit of time to her.

Each day there's a different subject for YOUR photo. It's not a challenge where you Google the images, but you take them yourself. As stated on CarlyMarie's page: "Capture Your Grief is a mindful healing project for anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child of any age or gestation."

Here is this months subjects:

So, keep your eyes open every day this month for my part in this healing project. 

The Day I Invited Jesus into my Life

Life always seems to get away from me. There always seems like there is something to worry over or something that needs to be done. I tend to be an over-worrier. I found myself worried about things that were completely out of control. I wanted and needed control of my life, but no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't do it. It seemed that when one thing fell into place, another fell out of place. It was a never ending cycle.

I have always known Christ, but in my teen years, I fell away from Him. My life, friends, and life became my first and main priority. I grew up going to a Methodist Church in Smithfield, PA where we sang songs of worship and the Pastor told his message. However, hanging out with my friends and having fun was my biggest goal. I spent a lot of time goofing off in a friends truck, hanging out in the woods, and just being. At this time in my life, I rarely thought about Jesus. I hardly prayed. I lived by the name of a Christian, however, this was NOT my lifestyle.

Now, as an adult... I can't get enough of Jesus. I want more of Him. I jump out of bed Sunday morning, rush around getting ready, and joyfully head to church. After the untimely death of my dear daughter, I had a gentle shove into Christ. He held me as I cried. He promised that all would be all right and that He was near. He promised to always hold my hand tight and walk me through any of the trials I had to face. This was when I found my TRUE best friend. 

Since I have allowed Jesus into my life, amazing things have happened. My broken heart was healed. I stopped worrying so much. In fact, I hardly worry at all. My anxiety has slowed down and only shows in my weakest moments, but Jesus fixes it for me really quick. My faith has grown and I have an amazing relationship. I found my best friend who has fulfilled the deepest desires of my heart!

Have you met this man I'm speaking of? If so, how has He impacted you? Share a testimony below. 

Faith in Action: What is Faith?

Faith.

I asked today on my Facebook page, what does faith mean to you? 

Here are my thoughts to this question:

Life. Faith to me means life. In today's world, many claim they have faith and are living a life full of faith. To some, it's a bonus to living with Christ. It's something that's optional or completely misunderstood. I have seen this. I have told others who I have seen going through trying times to have faith. They've responded, "I have faith but..."

NO!! STOP!!

There aren't any BUT'S in faith. 

When one has faith, they turn EVERYTHING, every worry, fears, and all anxiety to Him. Everything. They take their issues directly to the Lord and ask for the help, strength, and wisdom to get through whatever it is they're facing. Then, they LET IT GO!! Once you give it to God, don't look back. Don't worry about it. Don't give into the whispers to the ears from the enemy. 

Faith isn't perfected overnight. It's an ongoing process that EVERY Christian must work on. I don't believe anyone has perfect faith because if that were the case.... then, they'd be right there beside Christ. 

Faith is an important part of the life of a Christian. It's vital to our walk. My faith helps make the world around me make sense. It shows me that no matter what I'm facing, God is with me and HE knows what's going to happen, so I don't need to worry about the ending. I know this because I'm His child and He will take care of me. Everything will happen according to his plan.

Faith is my identity and way of life. I may struggle with it at times but when I catch myself not showing faith, I pull the reins and pull my faith back. 

Faith is a form of trust in the Lord when you can't actually see Him. It's given just as love is, unconditionally. 

Faith isn't stepping into a situation and having doubt. When faced with a difficult situation, one must fully rely on God. They can't claim that they have faith if they let worry, anxiousness, fear, doubt, or any other negative feelings in. When one has faith, they let go and let God. Then, they don't worry about the situation again because God WILL take care of it. 

**This is my views for now.... I may add to it at another time.**

Simple Question; Unsure Answers

It's a question we all hear. It's asked in the morning before church. Some ask this question when talking on the phone. It's more like a greeting than an actual question. But I come to wonder, what do people really mean when they ask... "How are you?"

I come to you with this post because many times during church events this weekend, I've been asked this question. In America, some would say that it's a simple way to say "Hello." 

When someone asks me "How are you?", I have an internal battle. Do I answer with a simple, "I'm good?" Or do they really want to know how I'm doing?

If we were talking about asking the actual question to see how a person is holding up, I'd have a lot to say. I'd say that I'm about to have a breakdown. Bills are stacking up. There isn't enough money to take care of simple things like our water bill, gas, or electric bills. We're at risk of losing everything we have. Food is scarce and I had to send my daughter to her grandmothers for the week because of the lack of food. I'd tell them that I'm sitting here, on my birthday, stomach growling and one option.... pasta. I could boil it up and add some butter for my meal. That's what I'm looking at for my food during the day....well at least until dinner. 

I would say that emotionally I'm a wreck. My anxiety is through the roof and no matter what I do to ease it, it's still there. There's always something to put me at the edge of being okay and having a full blown panic attack.

I would tell them that I feel helpless. I watch my husband work every day, bust his hind end for the pennies he makes, and then on payday.... stress about which bill is the most important to pay and which bill he has enough for. I feel helpless because getting a job myself doesn't look good without a drivers license, car, and babysitter. Some say.... "Oh, you should put them in daycare." Once again... it's expensive and something we don't have the money for. 

Most of the time, I when asked, "How are you?".... I just smile and say, "I'm good." But in all honesty, do people really ask this to see where you're at in life, how you feel, and what not? 

When I ask, I'm REALLY asking the question. I ask it to those whom I care about to show them my interest within their own lives. I ask this so I can see if there's anything they need prayer for. 

So... I'm asking you.... what do you mean when you ask, "How are you?"

Mother's Day....

Day Twenty: I'm Sorry

The idea of being wrong isn't one that appeals to us. No one likes to be wrong. It's hard to admit when we are wrong. It's even harder to apologize for being wrong. As a matter of fact, I'm sure many people have grown up in lifestyles where hardly anyone apologized. I believe life would go a bit smoother for us if we were able to apologize and save time with us getting into meaningless arguments. In a way, isn't apologizing giving up the control of the situation? It's as if you're taking a step down in order to apologize.

As an example, my husband and I tend to be big headed most of the time. We hate to admit when we are wrong. I hate to admit it. That's a flaw I'm working on within me. I believe we could have avoided many of the pointless arguments we had in the past with a simple apology. 

For today's challenge, I am asking that you make a point to apologize first. Whenever you come across a situation where "I'm Sorry" will defuse it quickly, I'm asking you to take that first step. 

Day Twenty-One: Self Love

I found that it's really easy for me to show love to those around me. One thing that's come as a struggle is loving myself. I have found that one the good days when I feel great about myself, my entire day is amazing. I smile constantly. I joke around and laugh. I'm in an overall great mood.

On days that I don't feel so loved by me, I feel down and depressed.

It's stated that a person who has very little self-love often becomes depressed. They don't excel and push to their potential. Their more likely to submit to abusive relationships or situations.

I know that it's hard. But listen to me....

You are loved. You are special. Come on think about it. There isn't another person in this world like you. You are the only one who thinks and acts like you. You deserve to be loved by not only those around you but by yourself. Practicing self-love can be hard for many of us but honestly it's for our health.

Today I want you to practice a little bit of self-love. Start the day with telling yourself something really positive. Dress yourself in something that makes you feel great. If you normally don't, fix your hair and makeup ladies. Don't believe everything that crosses your mind about you. It's not true. During the day, celebrate the accomplishments you achieved. But most of all, I want you to take time out of this day for you. What will you do with your "me" time?