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Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Ignorance With Loss- Speaking Out

It's absolutely heartbreaking when I'm surfing the Internet and actually see just how ignorant people are when it comes to child loss. Today I saw a news article on wpxi.com that pertained to a couple in California who gave birth to an angel. Immediately I had to read it and absolutely loved it. I love the fact that even though it's not my story or about my precious Dakota, it's still bringing awareness to Pregnancy and Infant Loss.

I then felt the need to share Dakota's picture too. For some reason when I see anything on this subject, I have the need to put my daughter out there too. I want people to know she existed and she lived. 

What broke my heart was the response the family got to their photo's of their sleeping angel when they were brought to the attention of the public. Each comment was as if someone had taken a knife and pushed it into my heart. 

Ignorance like these comments:
  • "Private pictures ok. Dead babies on the internet no."

  •  "Dead Babies on the Internet" - I feel like there is a social commentary type punk rock song in here somewhere...
  • People grieve in their own way but the pictures should be kept private within the family not plastered everywhere on the internet and Facebook

  • I think it's morbid and constitutes abuse of corpse.

  • Not sure how I feel about that one 

1 in 4 women experience child loss in some form...some experience it multiple times. I am 1 in 4. We lost our daughter at 40 weeks 5 days. If you have NEVER lost a child, feel blessed because it does change who you are and how you deal with things. I am glad people are speaking out about it and raising awareness. How dare you pass judgement on grieving mothers for having pictures done. Grow up and realize all life is precious and stop being petty. These comment dig deep down inside and bother the heck out of me. Value every second of life. 

Until you lose a child at birth, you have no idea the pain and loss you feel. I feel that no one should have to experience this. It is not warped or disturbing to take photo's of your sleeping angel. What makes you so high and mighty that you can judge? 

Those of us that have lost babies cope in different ways. Don't put the grieving parents down because it is not the way you would choose to grieve. Everyone who thinks this is morbid just can't handle the truth that yes these situations do happen. This is the truth to child loss  Families get photos because it's their child. They will share these with their future children and so on. It's comfort for them to see their little angel. 

IF you're one of those people who deem it warped or disturbing, do me a favor.... chose one of your children you choose to live life without. Yeah, pick one. Doesn't matter which. Now... imagine choosing a headstone for that child. Or how about this, imagine what that child would look like laying in a casket. You know... "dead and disturbing". Ohhh look at that... I hit a nerve. I bet you can't even imagine either one of these scenarios. Can you? 

Now.. picture funeral music playing, flowers, and your last kiss before the casket is closed forever. Remember this will be the last time you will EVER see your child again on this earth. Oh, now they're getting ready to bury your child. They lower the casket as you force yourself to look away. Next they throw the dirt in the hole where your child was just lowered. Let me tell you... IT SUCKS!!!!!

You have NO right to sit back and judge me as an angel mother for how I choose to deal with the loss of my child. Therefore, until you experience it.. how about you educate yourself about Pregnancy and Infant Loss? Or how about this... reach out and send comfort to a family who was forced to say goodbye before they even had the chance to say hello! Until then, I'll shout it from the roof tops and the mountain tops that my daughter LIVED! You have no right to either like or dislike what I choose to do until you have been here yourself! Plain and simple!!!! 

9 comments:

  1. tabitha walker newAugust 6, 2014 at 4:30 PM

    This is a very beautiful pic of ur angel and ur right people need not to judge they need to educate themselves before jumping the gun my prayers r with you as u get ur angels story out there there needs to be more people like u hope u don't mind me sharing

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  2. Heaven gained an amazing little girl the day God called her home, she is one of the most beautiful angels in heaven. Every time I think of Dakota even though I never got to meet her I tear up but I as well as you know she is where she belongs, and ever time I see a butterfly I know a piece of heaven is here on earth with us.

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  3. This post put me into tears. I have no children of my own, but hope to in the future & can't begin to imagine what you've gone through with baby Dakota. NOBODY has the right to tell you that you cannot post pictures of your child. Alive or not, she is your daughter.

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  4. Your angel is so beautiful! My angel passed on May 27, 2014 at 39.5 weeks. I wish, with all my heart, I could just hear him cry, giggle, coo...I wish I could see his eyes...which the autopsy tells me were blue. I have only one photograph of my boy and I carry it so close to me. I appreciate more than anything, when friends and family want to see my sweetheart. Breaks my heart when people use the excuse that they dont want to "ruin" their own image of him? He wasn't fake...he was real....alive for 9 months with the strongest heartbeat! Their image is not reality...he was perfect...brown curly hair, tiny nose, chubby arms and legs...his fathers eyes....he was perfect. Autopsy came back clean with 100% healthy male fetus. Their ignorant discomfort is a painful discomfort that we live with EVERY day as we deal with our empty arms. I am so glad my David has your Dakota to fly with.........

    Reaching out to you from Colorado with tears in my eyes and love for our babies in my heart...

    You're a wonderful Mother

    xo
    Erin

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    Replies
    1. My daughter was born into heaven on May 27th, 2013. :( Thank you for your lovely post. I am happy that our babies have each other too. It brings me comfort knowing my baby girl is not alone.

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  5. Those people have no heart or conscience. How is showing off your baby morbid or wrong? Hello,we all share our kids' pics on facebook because we love,cherish,and have pride in them and it's even more special when a pic of an Angel Baby is shared.I seriously can't believe these people's comments.

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  6. Speak what you feel, I support your article/letter. Keep your faith and beliefs, I hope you find peace in some little way.

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  7. Dont listen to any of those NASTY comments. Ur an amazing mother. Dakota is a beautiful little girl. I love seeing her pic. U have ever right to post pictures of ur angel baby.. <3

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  8. joannehuckett@hotmail.comAugust 19, 2014 at 4:00 AM

    My Darling,
    I am 48 years old. When I had my children no-one ever spoke again of those beautiful babies that didn't open their eyes on earth. Grief was private and destructive. Sharing experiences and emotions is healthy & I fully approve, photographs posted on the internet too. We need to have the loss of a child acknowledged to help us go forwards. We have a duty to help remind ourselves & others how blessed we are to have a child. My son died suddenly at 22years The morning before his own baby boy was born. No one questions me posting my sons photogragh. In some cultures the whole family has photographs taken with a deceased relative & get the album out at every opportunity. Facebook permits photos & footage of murders, abuse, atrocious violence. The photograph of a baby born asleep holds no offense to anyone. My love to you & all the mummies and grannies passing by this place.

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