Life With Our Sunshine and Rainbow: It's a Blessing.

Woah, it's been forever since I've been able to fully update everyone. I believe the last time I actually sat down and did a post was right after I was released from the hospital with our rainbow baby. We

were released from the hospital on September 4th. Baby boy and I headed to West Virginia to stay with my Mom for the rest of that week. When we got to my Moms, we put up the pack-n-play and I couldn't help but to stare at him. As soon as I laid him down, he spread out and slept. The feelings that coursed through me are rather hard to put into words. A year ago I didn't think I'd be able to say I'd be truly happy. I'm ecstatic. I literally tear up when I look at my son. The fear of losing him is still there but it won't be from stillbirth. At this time, of course, I worry about SIDS but I know the good Lord above is watching over us.

That Friday went by slowly for me because my husband had planned on bringing our oldest daughter down so she could hang out with her brother. She hadn't been with him since the day he was born because she had to go to school. I couldn't wait to see how her face would light up seeing him. The

day he was born, the fear drained from her eyes and happiness finally returned. When she finally got there, her baby brother was the first person she asked about. She immediately took him in her arms and played with him. I loved seeing it.

That Sunday was our first time taking baby boy to church. Boy was Daddy excited. As soon as we sat down, he got baby boy out of the car seat and began showing him to our church family. Everyone was super excited about his safe arrival.

Church had a wonderful message and I believe that it definitely spoke to me. I have a testimony. I'm living proof that the Lord works in his time and answers prayers. For 16 months I prayed for the pain of losing Dakota to ease enough to where it wouldn't consume me. For six of those months, I prayed for my joy and happiness to some what return. For 38 weeks of that time, I carried the answer to all of my prayers. Then on September 1st, Jaxson Scott was born. My happiness and joy was restored in a much deeper way than before. During this time, my faith was tested over and over again. However, with the grace of God, I pushed back at the bad and came out stronger than ever.

When we got back home, I immediately put baby boy in the crib. I waited so long to fill the crib we bought over a year ago and we were FINALLY able to. I must admit that I cried. I cried because I longed to place Dakota in that crib for the longest time. Now, I had our miracle lying in the crib and it was the best sight to see.

That Monday, Baby boy had to go back to the Labor and Delivery floor of the hospital for a check up.

The nurse who treated me like a child insisted that we bring him in so his jaundice could be checked. I was still confused on why they didn't put him under the Bili light if it was such a big deal.When we got there, the wait wasn't long at all.

I laid him in the heated bed and took him down to the diaper as the nurse asked. I felt so much anxiety because this woman made me feel less than who I am. She made me feel as if I wasn't good enough to be this beautiful little boy's mother. I was asked how his eating was going and about how many dirty diapers he was making. Of course, her response made me feel less than.

Thankfully we found out that his jaundice levels dropped. By the end of the appointment, I was ready to run out of that hospital and go back to the comfort of my home. I hated being around this particular nurse. However, baby boy had a different plan. He decided he wanted to eat. Therefore, I had to wait another 30 minutes before I was able to breathe again.

The nurse informed me that I needed to have baby boy in to see his pediatrician and she wanted him to see him within two days. I didn't like how she felt the need to give us a time line. I'm not stupid. I

know how important it is for my children to keep regular doctors appointments, especially when their having a slow start with life. I went home that day and we scheduled the appointment. 

Later in the week, I had a much needed prayer answered. I was gifted a breast pump. I hadn't been able to afford one with my husband being without work since July. As soon as I got it, I couldn't help but to cry. Once again God came through for me. It amazes me how he works. When I had it cleaned and sterilized, I tried pumping for the first time so my husband could try feeding our son for the first time. I was able to pump about 3oz for the first time and this was right after I nursed baby boy. I was happy. This was the most successful journey thus far that I had with breast feeding. I then made the goal that I wanted to nurse him for at least four weeks.

Shortly after I pumped, my Husband tried to feed baby boy for the first time. We had be recommended the NUK bottle for babies who do both bottle and breast. I grabbed my favorite bottle for the next feeding and when it was time, I put the milk in. Hubby grabbed the baby with a big smile and sat down in the "breastfeeding corner." He got comfortable and I handed him our son.

Well, baby boy had something different in mind. He played with the nipple of the bottle for a second and let it in his mouth. Once he realized it wasn't his Momma, he pushed the bottle out of his mouth with the funniest face. It honestly looked as if he was saying we were crazy for trying and that we should have known better. I thought maybe he could still sense me in the room so I went outside. Nope, that didn't work either. He still wouldn't take the bottle for Daddy. My Hubby gave up because baby boy started to fuss.

I grabbed the bottle and tried. Well, the milk went right down but I could tell my son wasn't liking the bottle idea. This is when I decided that I'd hold off on the bottle. I actually felt as if I were going to cry because of the entire bottle thing. I had gotten so used to being the person to feed him, I didn't like seeing someone else do it. **I know that sounds selfish. But I can't help it.**

By the end of September, baby boy's circumcision had healed and the umbilical cord stump fell off. I cried at this because it was one thing to show that time was passing and my son was getting older. These days were going by too quick. They needed to slow down.

We got baby boy in to see his doctor who confirmed that he needed to gain a bit more weight and that everything else seemed well. So, for the next two weeks I nursed every chance I got. I know that the more we nurse, the better my supply would be. By the next appointment, baby boy had gained a pound. I was so happy.

Well, that's around about everything that has happened with our baby boy lately. Thank you for reading. I really appreciate it.