My Happy Place

One thing I needed to do during my process of healing was to create a spot within my home dedicated to my angel, Dakota. It didn't take much and I love the outcome. Most of the time I sit in the chair, which I had orginally planned on breastfeeding Dakota in, and write her a letter in my Letters to Dakota book. I cuddle my nieces and nephew. I listen to my Dakota music list while I sit here and remember her.

Take a look for yourself. What do you think?

Full View of Dakota's Corner

Side Stand #1

Photo Wall #1

Photo Wall #2

Side Stand #2

Our Baby Time Wall- Birth pictures and clocks below displaying their time of birth.

Angel Parents- What have you done to remember your angel?

One of the MOST dreaded questions.....

As an angel Mom, there are so many things I try to avoid but there are some things I just can't avoid. One example... I dread this question... "How many kids do you have?" The answer for me is awkward. At times I'm not sure how to answer it.

So I'm a mother of two. I have a daughter here with me and another in heaven. I get to parent one child while the other looks over me. When I do my daily things, I keep thinking I should be taking a break right now to feed Dakota, change her, or perhaps take a walk with her. When in the morning, I wake my oldest for school, I should be getting my youngest ready too. The three of us should be walking to the bus in the morning, but there are now only two.

When someone asks me how many children do I have, I always answer it differently. The most common answer I have is.... Two. I have two children. One which is with me and always watching over me. The other driving me nuts and I'm loving every minute of it.

Angel parents- How do you answer this question?

Friends/Family- Any suggestions on an answer that wouldn't be weird or awkward to hear?

Anger and Lonely With a Touch of Broken

Dear God I am so angry today. Nothing I do makes me not angry. There are so many things that I have seen which added to my anger and I have only been awake for a few hours. I feel like I could kick and scream like a child. The hurt I feel is so unexplainable. I feel like people and my family have already forgotten my little butterfly Dakota. I am angry that they aren't sad anymore. It's not fair that I am still in this stand still while they moved on. You would think that since Dakota was their blood family, it'd still hurt. But I was wrong.

Someone had told me..."How can you miss someone you never met, kiss, or held?" That's the thing, these people did meet her. They did kiss her. They did hold her. Some had seen the pain front hand with me.

At times I feel like people avoid me or have forgotten about us. We are still hurting. We still need them but it doesn't seem like they are there. I have seen so many people come out of the wood work (for the lack of better words) the day my daughter passed and on the day of her funeral. I heard so many times... I am here if you need me. Call me anytime. Day or Night." I have called but most of the time, people don't answer their phone. I'm left to go to my room to scream and cry it out.... alone. I'm so tired of being physically alone.

I have a huge support system online but they can't help when I physically feel that I need a hug or a ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on.

It's been three months and this emotional roller coaster is a nightmare. This path is really a lonely one to walk because no one around me (besides my husband) knows how I feel. No one knows what to say. I'm alone and it hurts so bad!

Sharing Our Angels

I am happy to announce that I have put up a website that focuses on Pregnancy and Infant Loss. My plan is to pack this site with useful information for those who have suffered a loss. I would love to see what everyone thinks of it.

There are several highlights to this website. I want to hear about your angels. Please take a moment to submit your story. Here is mine: http://sharingourangels.weebly.com/angel-stories.html  I'll add more stories once they are submitted.

I would love to honor your angels by adding them to the dedication page here: http://sharingourangels.weebly.com/angel-dedications.html

There will be lots of helpful pages for grieving parents and for friends/family of those who have suffered a loss.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope I see more submissions for the site soon. Have a wonderful day.

Letter to my Butterfly, Dakota

Hey Sweet Girl,

Well I finally did it. I started the website I was thinking of. I made it in memory of you. From this point on my goal will be to spread awareness about babies like you. I know I will run into some people that won't be so nice about it, but with Jesus, all things are possible. Therefore, I will reach my goal.

I'm doing all of this for you. I must admit... I am scared. It's crazy. For some reason, I'm afraid that I'll offend someone with your beautiful pictures, but I am so proud of you. I need to share you. I need to show people who you are. You're my angel, my butterfly, and the reason I have seen another side of this world that I never even thought about.... until now.

I am praying that my goals are reached and I succeed in what I'm trying to do. Dakota, my little butterfly... this is all for you.

I love you to the moon and back; forever & infinity.

Love Always
Mommy

Signs of Grief

This list is provided as a resource. If you feel overwhelmed or beyond help PLEASE tell someone and get help. There are many excellent resources for depression or people feeling suicidal thoughts. Please do not suffer in silence. Here are some common signs of grief. They may include the following:
Physical Sensations

Tightness in chest
Tightness in throat
Oversensitivity to noise
Depersonalization
Breathlessness
Headaches
Weakness in muscles
Lack of energy
Dry mouth
Trouble swallowing
Hollowness in the stomach
sighing

Behaviors

Sleep problems
No appetite
Forgetfulness
Social withdrawals
Dreams of deceased
Avoidance of reminders
Calling out
Restless Activity
Crying
Clinging to reminders
Treasuring objects

Feelings

Sadness
Anger
Guilt
Anxiety
Loneliness
Fatigue
Helplessness
Shock
Yearning
Numbness
Relief

Thoughts

Disbelief
Confusion
Pre-occupation
Sense of presence
Hearing and seeing the deceased

Remembering Our Angels Event

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month- October

Each year, approximately a million pregnancies in the U.S. end in miscarriage, stillbirth or the death of the newborn child. National observance of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month offers us the opportunity to increase our understanding of the great tragedy involved in the deaths of unborn and newborn babies. It also enables us to consider how, as individuals and communities, we can meet the needs of bereaved parents and family members on work to prevent causes of these problems.

Health care professionals recognize that trends of recent years, such as smaller family size and postponement of childbearing, adds another dimension of poignancy to the grief of parents who have lost infants. More than 700 local, national and international support groups are supplying programs and strategies designed to help parents cope with their loss. Parents who have suffered their own losses, health care professionals and specially trained hospital staff members are helping newly bereaved parents deal constructively with loss...

The Congress, by Senate Joint Resolution 314, has designated the month of October in 1988, as "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month" and authorized and requested the President to issue a proclamation in observance of this month.

NOW, THEREFORE, I RONALD REAGAN, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim the month of October as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I call upon the people of the United States to observe this month with appropriate programs, ceremonies, and activities.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twenty-fifth day of October in the year of our Lord nineteen hundred and eighty-eight and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirteenth.

Ronald Reagan
Former President
United States of America

*******

As a mother of a stillborn, I am asking for those who would like to help show their support to join in with me during the month of October. The graphic at the top of the page is designed to fit your Facebook cover. Please display this cover during the entire month of October. I am also asking that you change your profile picture to the awareness ribbon. If you join in, let me know below. I'd love to see just how big I can make this event. 

Then on October 15^th, Wave of Light candle vigil is held at 7 PM as something everyone can participate in. I am asking that you light a candle on the 15th of October at 7PM and let it burn for an hour. The burning candle will represent each unborn and newborn baby that has gained their wings. If you'd like, take a photo of your burning candle and place it in the Facebook event here: https://www.facebook.com/events/527032267374690/

Feel free to use any of the ribbons as your Facebook profile picture below:

In Memory of My Daughter, Dakota.