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Saturday, August 31, 2013

Anger and Lonely With a Touch of Broken

Dear God I am so angry today. Nothing I do makes me not angry. There are so many things that I have seen which added to my anger and I have only been awake for a few hours. I feel like I could kick and scream like a child. The hurt I feel is so unexplainable. I feel like people and my family have already forgotten my little butterfly Dakota. I am angry that they aren't sad anymore. It's not fair that I am still in this stand still while they moved on. You would think that since Dakota was their blood family, it'd still hurt. But I was wrong.

Someone had told me..."How can you miss someone you never met, kiss, or held?" That's the thing, these people did meet her. They did kiss her. They did hold her. Some had seen the pain front hand with me.

At times I feel like people avoid me or have forgotten about us. We are still hurting. We still need them but it doesn't seem like they are there. I have seen so many people come out of the wood work (for the lack of better words) the day my daughter passed and on the day of her funeral. I heard so many times... I am here if you need me. Call me anytime. Day or Night." I have called but most of the time, people don't answer their phone. I'm left to go to my room to scream and cry it out.... alone. I'm so tired of being physically alone.

I have a huge support system online but they can't help when I physically feel that I need a hug or a ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on.

It's been three months and this emotional roller coaster is a nightmare. This path is really a lonely one to walk because no one around me (besides my husband) knows how I feel. No one knows what to say. I'm alone and it hurts so bad!

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