Things they don't tell you about Pregnancy.....PART ONE

As you all know, I'm six months pregnant with my third child. Everyone knows that each pregnancy is different. Therefore, I have decided to write a post on the things I found out about pregnancy while experiencing three very different journey's. Most of the time these things happen and at other times they may not happen at all. It seems as if people pump up the "joys" of pregnancy, but fail to talk about the uncomfortable, disgusting, and funny things that happen as well. We have periods, discharge, leaky nipples, and cramps, and labor. What a disaster being a woman is at times!

Hopefully today you'll laugh a little, learn a little, or just agree with the things listed below. If you're easily disgusted or grossed out, keep on moving and don't bother to read the list below. If you're immature and can't handle human nature, I suggest you read the sentence before this one. With that being said, here are the things I feel they DON'T tell you about pregnancy!

1. Every pregnancy is different. They fail to say just how different they can be. With my first pregnancy, I felt like I could run a marathon. I was kicking to go from conception to labor. With my second pregnancy, I felt as if I wanted to crawl into bed and hibernate for the entire nine months due to not having the energy.

2. Morning Sickness- First and foremost, it doesn't happen ONLY in the morning. It can hit at anytime during the day and it may even last ALL day. Anything can be a trigger. As an example, just smelling my husbands deodorant sparked my morning sickness in the last two pregnancies. 

3. Your boobs DO get a bit more firm, however, they don't ALWAYS get bigger. Yep, they will swell up like balloons and be sore. Nursing bras and breast pads will be your friend at some point. Boobs leak. Mine didn't leak with my first until after my sunshine was born. But with my angel and rainbow, PLEASE someone turn off the damn tap. Don't get me wrong, I do plan on breast feeding. But when you're changing into that newly washed maternity top and you're boobs decide to leak at that moment for the first time, things can become emotional.  

4. You will get constipated and your vaginal discharge will increase. The grossness of it tends to be one subject many don't talk about. Then, the worries with "Is this normal discharge or my mucus plug?" come into play towards the end. 

5. You will be moody. At one moment you can be in a great mood and the next, you're ready to call your best friend to help you hide the body! The emotional shit storm that you'll be going through is a rough one so hold on tight! 

6. Sex- Now this tends to go one way or another. You could end up not having a drive at all or it could sky rocket over night. I experienced both and I must say.. they both SUCK! When your drive disappears, you try to explain this to dear hubby but he just doesn't understand how you could just NOT want it. But when your drive increases, Hubby better watch out. Well, at least until the baby belly gets in the way and starts to make you feel like a whale. I swear if people could have seen some of the things I have tried to even have sex comfortably, they would have said that I would make a GREAT "Americas Funniest Home Video."  

7. You will have weird and vivid dreams. (If you didn't read about my weird dreams, you can do so here.) Some people who have heard about my dreams say they completely understand why I decided to write.

8. Things tend to swell in areas you didn't realize could swell. The blood within a woman's body increases during pregnancy, as well as the weight gain and fluid retention, this could have you floating down the Mon River. Your feet and hands swell. Your legs and thighs swell. Boobs swell. Yes, even the genitals swell. So, this makes for a few uncomfortable months.

9. When baby moves, it's not ALWAYS something to coo over. At times, that crap hurts! Some of the weirdest feeling I have felt, at times made me think of an alien. The constant laying on the lower back, skidding a limb across the inner side of the belly, and the hiccups tend to distract you at times. Then you have the famous, full body roll. This is where baby decides the full position he's in isn't comfortable anymore and in an instant rolls into the other side of your body.

10. Hemorrhoids are very common. They will flare up and make life crappy for you during pregnancy. Let me tell you.... they suck. They happen even when you have no trouble in the bathroom and the baby can just be head down on the rectum the whole time!

11. At some point, you will dread having to sneeze. The pressure of the baby relaxing on your bladder could cause you to pee when you sneeze. Then, you don't want to add allergies into the mix. That's a mixture for disaster! The allergy medications don't always work, therefore you may find yourself sneezing more than you bargained for. So, my suggestion... liners are a MUST!

12. Unexpected headaches- Those suckers will knock you for a loop at times. Anything can trigger them. Lights too bright. Lights too dim. Loud noises. Smells. The list could continue on but I'm sure you get the hint. 

13. Clothes will not fit the same. It could be a few weeks or a few months, but your changing body will make getting dressed (unless you have a crap load of maternity clothes) a chore. Add in the summer months and shopping for a bikini... yeah... emotional disaster waiting to happen. 

14. Prepare for Braxton Hicks. They are normal, yet painful at times. Everyone is like 'you're glowing' and isn't this the best thing ever? I'm just like, I haven't even brushed my hair and I'm having a Braxton hicks! 

Keep an eye out for Part Two... coming soon! 

My Princess is Sick (Even though it doesnt seems like it)

Last night, Princess woke me up coughing so hard it took her breath. It really scared both of us. So, this morning right after she left for school (the coughing only happens at night).... Hubby called the doctor and made her an appointment. After school, Hubby and Princess went off to the doctors... Let me remind you... she's ADHD which makes office visits a little rough because she's always bouncing off the walls. Here's Hubby's way of keeping her some what calm... and it's rather entertaining:

Kids Say the Darnest Things

In my house, it's a rule that everyone clean up after themselves. So, once play time was over for my daughter and it was time for her to clean up. She started whinning about how she couldn't do it. Her excuses ranged from, "Mommy, my legs hurts." or "I can't do this. I'm too tired." My normal reaction that I tell her every night was the same. "If you can't pick up and put your toys away. Then, you can't play with them."

Normally, I give her several chances to pick up and put away before getting a little firm. I try to keep from yelling, that's also one of the house rules. In my time of fusteration, my daughter began picking up some of her toys. Inside, I'm cheering because she actually listened to me.

Another rule within my house is no name calling or use of "bad" words. As I was watching her clean up, she had this look of deep concentration. By the time her toys were picked up, she calmly looked over at me and said, "Mommy, your a donkey." This puzzled me because it came out of the blue. I asked her why she just called me that, while keeping my voice in a non threating tone. She replied, "You do know what a donkey is, right?" I stood there still confused. Without letting me answer, she said... (while putting her hand on her hip) "A donkey is a jackass..."

As soon as she said this, I could feel my face get hot. I didn't like her using that language, let alone towards me. I knew this behavior shouldn't be forgotten or over looked. I remained calm and told her how I felt about name calling and how jackass was a bad word. Shortly after, I told her that if she said this again, she would be punished.

Once I get her into bed, I couldn't help but to look back on the situation and laugh. I didn't realize that my 5 yr old knew the alternative word to donkey. Then, it hit me. In the Shrek movies, they do refer to donkey as a jackass. Therefore, she was repeating what she heard on the movie that she watched earlier in the day.

In conclusion, I must say... that I think all movies from now on will have to be watched closely by my fiance and I before we allow our daughter to watch them.

GPS and a Redneck

While brainstorming for this blog, I decided to start with the definition for Redneck but came up short. I began googling different websites to see what came up. I even tried using the modern definition to see if anything remotely close came up. After about 20 minutes of looking around, I decided to give my own definition of a redneck.

Redneck- (noun) Person who, when under pressure, turns to what he/she knows best... cursing, yelling, and talking in a language that only another redneck can understand. They normally live in the country and like to drink beer while laughing at each other doing remotely stupid things.

Now with that said, let's place the said Redneck into the heart of a big city with lots of traffic and not a clue of how to use a GPS. I am personally a witness of this one and let me tell you... it's something I will never forget.

Let me tell you about this, maybe it just might make you laugh as it did me. I had to take my daughter to Pittsburgh's Children's Hospital in PA. I don't drive so I asked my mother and her husband to take me. My mother and I were born and raised in PA so we are a little familiar with Pittsburgh. Personally, we dislike going there because it's very confusing for someone who hardly makes that trip. My step-father was born and raised in the wonderful hills of West Virginia. Our Redneck in this story. I was excited to hear that he'd be coming along with us because his sense of direction is usually pretty good. My mom went to Map Quest and got the directions we needed for our trip. On our way, my step-dad and mom decided to try out their GPS on the cell phone.

The woman's voice on the GPS got her name, Lola. While taking this trip, my step-dad talked to "Lola" like she was really there. (Mind you this entire time all I wanted to hear the GPS say was "recalculating" because of the Mayhem commercial I have seen on TV. I just love those commericals). Anyway, our trip up was fine. We arrived at our destination without problems or getting too lost.

It was the way home that has me laughing today. We pulled out of the parking garage and the GPS was set to take us home. Well, Lola got a bit confused. I heard the word "recalculating" so many times... even I couldn't laugh at it anymore. Before we knew it, we were going up and down streets we already were on several times. I noticed it first. I mentioned the fact that I saw a building we passed already. (We passed it several times.) This is when my step-dad (the redneck) decided to take matter's into his own hand and "fire" Lola from doing the navigating. My step-dad starting looking at buildings, street signs, and other various objects around us. Taking a guess as to which direction to go into. (In the meantime, my four year old daughter kept repeating "Pappy we're lost.) It didn't take her much time to finally get bored of the same streets and fall asleep.

From the back seat, all I could hear was cursing in a low voice and my step-dad saying that eventually he'd find our way out. My mom continued to play with the GPS. She even asked.. "I wonder.... seeing how we are going in this direction... I wonder if I can confuse Lola by quickly turning around in my seat." This started the "let's make this fun instead of stressful" while we are lost.

About an hour later.. Many curse words and yelling at people later... I decided to call my fiance and see if he could get a map of Pittsburgh up on the computer. Then, we could just use his directions to find our way out. He did manage to get us back on track until we came to a red light that was at one very confusing intersection. My step-dad was sure he knew which way my fiance was talking about. So, we quieted down and began to relax. The light turned green, my step dad hit the gas, and what do you know... confusion and congestion of traffic... we went the wrong way AGAIN!!! My step dad once again began cussing and blowing off steam... the things he said (which I won't re post on here) had my mom and I rolling with laughter. He looked at road signs and saw the road we needed to be on was to our left. We were going to end up going east... when we needed to go west to get back to the interstate.

My step dad decided to follow the signs for another few miles.... until he stared seeing signs for the road that headed in the west. He followed the road signs to find out... we pretty much did a U-turn and was going back through town AGAIN!!! He remained on this very busy road because with all the other traffic... it looked helpful. (Let me remind you... my mom was still playing with the GPS, my daughter is still sleeping, and I'm laughing so hard... I'm crying.)

A few miles later, we see the tunnels (which is a sign of the right way and pretty much the way out of Pittsburgh) ... the reaction my step dad had ... was like a child in a candy store after their parent told them they could get some candy... if he could have gotten out of the car and jumped up and down... I think he would have. As we were going through the tunnels, my step dad beeped the horn over and over again because he didn't need the GPS to find his way...

Moral of the story.... when riding with a Redneck.. just let them go off of instinct... and don't mix them with technology... the equation will end in disaster... guess living out in the "boon docks" has it's perks... a great sense of direction... and Lola not getting on your nerves with the "recalculating" tad bit.

Well, that's my story. Hope you enjoyed and I will see ya tomorrow.