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Sunday, May 15, 2011

GPS and a Redneck

While brainstorming for this blog, I decided to start with the definition for Redneck but came up short. I began googling different websites to see what came up. I even tried using the modern definition to see if anything remotely close came up. After about 20 minutes of looking around, I decided to give my own definition of a redneck.

Redneck- (noun) Person who, when under pressure, turns to what he/she knows best... cursing, yelling, and talking in a language that only another redneck can understand. They normally live in the country and like to drink beer while laughing at each other doing remotely stupid things.

Now with that said, let's place the said Redneck into the heart of a big city with lots of traffic and not a clue of how to use a GPS. I am personally a witness of this one and let me tell you... it's something I will never forget.

Let me tell you about this, maybe it just might make you laugh as it did me. I had to take my daughter to Pittsburgh's Children's Hospital in PA. I don't drive so I asked my mother and her husband to take me. My mother and I were born and raised in PA so we are a little familiar with Pittsburgh. Personally, we dislike going there because it's very confusing for someone who hardly makes that trip. My step-father was born and raised in the wonderful hills of West Virginia. Our Redneck in this story. I was excited to hear that he'd be coming along with us because his sense of direction is usually pretty good. My mom went to Map Quest and got the directions we needed for our trip. On our way, my step-dad and mom decided to try out their GPS on the cell phone.

The woman's voice on the GPS got her name, Lola. While taking this trip, my step-dad talked to "Lola" like she was really there. (Mind you this entire time all I wanted to hear the GPS say was "recalculating" because of the Mayhem commercial I have seen on TV. I just love those commericals). Anyway, our trip up was fine. We arrived at our destination without problems or getting too lost.

It was the way home that has me laughing today. We pulled out of the parking garage and the GPS was set to take us home. Well, Lola got a bit confused. I heard the word "recalculating" so many times... even I couldn't laugh at it anymore. Before we knew it, we were going up and down streets we already were on several times. I noticed it first. I mentioned the fact that I saw a building we passed already. (We passed it several times.) This is when my step-dad (the redneck) decided to take matter's into his own hand and "fire" Lola from doing the navigating. My step-dad starting looking at buildings, street signs, and other various objects around us. Taking a guess as to which direction to go into. (In the meantime, my four year old daughter kept repeating "Pappy we're lost.) It didn't take her much time to finally get bored of the same streets and fall asleep.

From the back seat, all I could hear was cursing in a low voice and my step-dad saying that eventually he'd find our way out. My mom continued to play with the GPS. She even asked.. "I wonder.... seeing how we are going in this direction... I wonder if I can confuse Lola by quickly turning around in my seat." This started the "let's make this fun instead of stressful" while we are lost.

About an hour later.. Many curse words and yelling at people later... I decided to call my fiance and see if he could get a map of Pittsburgh up on the computer. Then, we could just use his directions to find our way out. He did manage to get us back on track until we came to a red light that was at one very confusing intersection. My step-dad was sure he knew which way my fiance was talking about. So, we quieted down and began to relax. The light turned green, my step dad hit the gas, and what do you know... confusion and congestion of traffic... we went the wrong way AGAIN!!! My step dad once again began cussing and blowing off steam... the things he said (which I won't re post on here) had my mom and I rolling with laughter. He looked at road signs and saw the road we needed to be on was to our left. We were going to end up going east... when we needed to go west to get back to the interstate.

My step dad decided to follow the signs for another few miles.... until he stared seeing signs for the road that headed in the west. He followed the road signs to find out... we pretty much did a U-turn and was going back through town AGAIN!!! He remained on this very busy road because with all the other traffic... it looked helpful. (Let me remind you... my mom was still playing with the GPS, my daughter is still sleeping, and I'm laughing so hard... I'm crying.)

A few miles later, we see the tunnels (which is a sign of the right way and pretty much the way out of Pittsburgh) ... the reaction my step dad had ... was like a child in a candy store after their parent told them they could get some candy... if he could have gotten out of the car and jumped up and down... I think he would have. As we were going through the tunnels, my step dad beeped the horn over and over again because he didn't need the GPS to find his way...

Moral of the story.... when riding with a Redneck.. just let them go off of instinct... and don't mix them with technology... the equation will end in disaster... guess living out in the "boon docks" has it's perks... a great sense of direction... and Lola not getting on your nerves with the "recalculating" tad bit.

Well, that's my story. Hope you enjoyed and I will see ya tomorrow.


  1. Wow, I didn't realize you all had such rough luck finding your way out when you called me. Great Blog. Very entertaining.

  2. love the new layout! so pretty!

  3. i met a redneck once, in Colorado. We stayed at his inn. When we ran out of toilet paper, we went to the counter (and he was the only one in charged) and asked "can we have more toilet paper?" He replied "what?? are you in the shittin business or what??"" LOL!
    tx for popping by Raebeth!


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