Living With Depression and Anxiety (CONT)

As I previously posted, I suffer from Depression and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I've seen some people comment on different websites that these disorders, are in fact not disorders at all. It's quite hard to understand what one is going though when they have been diagnosed with the disorders. My fiance and I were talking one afternoon following a therapy session. He really didn't understand what exactly I was going through. He even said that he sometimes thought that I was just being stubborn. As an example, when he was going to the store.... I always have a hard time bringing myself to go with him. He always thought that it was me being lazy and not wanting to leave the house. This wasn't the matter at all. When I step outside of my house, my heart rate quickens, I get "butterflies" in my belly, it feels hard to breath, and my palms began to sweat. This, by far, is NOT normal. No one should be afraid to walk outside of their home.

I do believe the result of this has been many different situations I've been in and what they have emotionally done to me. At the age of 18, I became pregnant. My fiance found a great paying job that allowed me to be a SAHM (stay at home mom). Of course, at first, I'd put my precious bundle of joy into her stroller and show her off to my neighbors. But then, it came time for use to move out of the town I pretty much grew up in. I didn't have a car nor did I have a license. The next place we moved too was in an area not suitable for a child to play outside. There wasn't a yard. And across the road was a mine. Once again, not suitable. Therefore, my daughter and I found other things within our tiny apartment to do.

Over time, we (my daughter and I) would get out of the house on pay day or when we decided to go stay over at family's houses. As time passed, we went outside less and less. Just a few weeks ago, I had an emotional break down. I didn't have any control over my emotions. I even recall saying if I had a gun...... and I'm sure you can figure out the rest.....

The following night, my fiance told me I needed to contact my Dr again. I needed my medication back regardless of the cost. Up to this point, I truly believe he was in with the crowd that think these disorders are just made up. When in fact, he witnessed it first hand. (As well as everyone else who was there the day I had the break down).

So, I ask all of you that doubt, to take a second and just try to understand that not all people can deal with the hard parts of life. As I once read: Depression isn't a sign of weakness. It's a sign that you've tired to be strong for just too long. I totally believe this saying.