Empathy is something you can't get away from when dealing with grief. Most would think any types of empathy are welcome, however, I found not all are.
During my time of loss, I had some people think they were being empathic but in reality, they were only hurting me with their words.
I remember someone telling me, "God needed her more." My heart skipped to my throat because I just didn't understand how people would think this would bring me comfort. Our God, the Alpha and the Omega, chose my daughter for what? What was so important that he decided to take her so young and leave me in heartache for the rest of my life? Why would God purposely take my daughter and hurt me? Isn't he a LOVING God?
Then, someone told me, "Maybe there was something really wrong with her. Perhaps maybe it was something you couldn't handle and God knew this." I so badly wanted to respond, "What happened to the saying that God doesn't give us more than we can handle?" or "God doesn't make mistakes and there was NOTHING wrong with her. There's nothing in this world that could have happened with her where I would choose death for her over life."
God didn't need her. He didn't do this. Yes, He allowed for it to happen. This isn't something He chose, but it happened. He ALLOWED it to and not because He needed Dakota. Telling me that my daughter had something wrong with her...is wrong. Perhaps maybe something is wrong with you!
Yes, these are thoughts I've had during the past two years. No, they're not kind but they are true.
Then the big one... "I'm here for you no matter what!" This got to me. Many people who lost contact with me or completely ignored my existence came out of the woodwork when I lost my daughter. Many of those whom I can tell you aren't here for me today. They slowly faded back where they were before the loss.