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I'm so glad you have come across my little nook in the cyber world. Here I strive to be real and inspire. I talk about my walk in faith as a Christian, motherhood, the loss of my child, and anything else that crosses my mind. Join me for a minute and relax?
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Bittersweet, Brokenhearted, & Missing My Angel
Her father is under a lot of stress and was having a hard day yesterday. Baby girl was really cranky, so I decided that maybe playing in the tub would help cheer her up. Babies love to splash around in the water. I took her upstairs, although she wasn't really sure how to take me. I began playing with the toys and acting like I was having a blast. She decided to jump in on the fun and began to loosen up.
After a few minutes, she began splashing and laughing. Mission accomplished. It melted my heart that I got to make her laugh and we were enjoying our time together. After her bath, I lotion, diapered, and dressed her. It was close to bed time and her Daddy asked me if I would watch her while he showered. Of course, I agreed. This was more time with her.
We laid down on the couch together. She got comfortable. Her favorite stuffed toy was with her and she cuddled it a few times. Then, she looked up at me and stared into my eyes until she fell asleep. Once her Daddy was done in the shower, I ran up to my room and started crying. It was so hard on me but I loved it all the same.
I remember thinking that it should have been me and Dakota cuddling on the couch. She should have been the baby staring into my eyes while falling asleep. Not my best friends daughter. My heart ached for my own baby. Baby girl opened my eyes to one thing that hadn't occurred to me yet. How much I am missing with my own daughter.
I didn't have the chance to look into her eyes. I didn't have the chance to see her cry or smile for the first time. All of her firsts was taken away from me. I know after watching Baby Girl for the past few days, I want a baby of my own now more than I ever wanted one before. :(