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Friday, May 9, 2014

It's just stuff....Shouldn't it be easy?

I'm about to face one thing since Dakota's passing that I dread. Parting with the baby items we bought or were gifted for her. I know that time is going to come soon. It has too. If I don't let go of the material objects we had for her, we won't have the room for the boy stuff that's needed.

This is a never ending battle within me. It's crazy how attached to a bib or a bottle I am. Just thinking about giving/selling ANY of the items we had planned on using for Dakota puts me in tears. I don't understand why I'm so attached to this stuff. She never touched any of it, yet it pains me to think about. 

I realized this today. We have a new neighbor moving in and while I was outside, I noticed there was baby items for a little girl in the back of the truck. Without thinking, I asked if they had a baby girl and how old she is. The woman told me her grand-daughter is 5 months old. I didn't even think before saying it but I asked her if they needed anything. Well, they are in the need of stuff. They have been hitting up yard sales around the area in search of the baby stuff they need. 

I'm a giver. So, when I hear of someone in need... I jump at the chance of helping them when and if I can. Again, without thinking, I continue to tell them that I have a bunch of baby girl stuff that I may be able to help them with. The conversation ended up going into what happened with our precious daughter and why I feel the need to get the baby girl stuff outta here. 

Once we had finished talking, I came into the house and cried! How am I ever going to find it within myself to free myself of this little girl stuff, which is a constant reminder of what isn't? I need to find it within myself to make room for our son. I just can't bare the thought of sending anything out the door that was meant for her. It's just as hard when it comes to accepting anything for a boy. 

This emotional road is one in which I will never fully understand. Will I ever find it within to pass the blessing on to someone else? 

Lord, give me strength!

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